This Is Why Patrick Stewart Is Awesome

'True Blood' Season 7 Episode 7 Recap: Vampire Jenny Craig

J. Harvey J. Harvey
August 4th, 2014 9:29pm EDT

TB Bill

Previously - Jessica spilled the tea on Bill having the Hep-V to Sookie. Violet planned to use Adilyn and Wade to avenge Jason’s betrayal. Sarah Newlin (aka "Newme") appears to be the cure for Hep-V.

I feel like True Blood is winding down (or up) in a satisfactory fashion. Showrunner Brian Buckner and his writing team swore up and down that this final season would be all about Bon Temps, and they seem to have been telling the truth. The only glaring mistake this season (well, besides those endless, ponderous Vampire Bill Compton’s origin flashbacks which damn well better have a point) is cutting Eric and Pam off from the rest of the cast. They made it to the Fangtasia raid but then they jetted off on this lame search for Sarah Newlin. Truthfully, Eric’s obviously being kept out of the pictureby the writers so Bill and Sookie can end up together without any tall, Nordic interference. But I’m worried that an appropriate closure for two of my favorite characters is being sacrificed. Anyway, enough of my bitchin’, on to this week.

Eric, Pam, Mr. Gus and the rest of the Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift cast are trying to get Sarah Newlin’s sister Amber to give up "Newme's" location. They’ve got her silvered down on a coffee table, but nothing seems to be working. Amber’s being cured has renewed their sisterly bond and her fangs are sealed. Oh, dear. You don't want to irritate a guy of Eric’s temperament who’s suffering from a terminal illness, honey. He stakes her after hallucinating that she’s Sarah Newlin taunting him. (Why do I keep adding her last name? There’s no other Sarahs, right? The show’s doing it too, right? Weird.)

Sherrif Andy and his beloved Holly have arrived at Fort Bellefleur (aka the dearly departed Terry’s treehouse hideaway). They’re still a bit snippy with each other seeing as A) Andy chased a butt-ass naked Wade out onto the lawn, causing Adilyn to run away with him and B) their engagement means that Adilyn and Wade will be breaking a certain taboo soon and I don’t mean the one when you wear the band t-shirt to the band’s concert. They realize that the kids left their phones in the treehouse (Violet is super cagey despite being super insane) after trying to call them. Andy calls Jessica, who is really busy watching Bill’s Hep-V veins grow and spread. Was there no paint drying anywhere? Andy confirms that Jess would feel it if Adilyn was in danger and she hasn’t. The future Mr. and Mrs. Bellefleur decide to check out Holly’s ex-husband’s lake house in Oklahoma. 

They ain’t there. They ARE at Violet’s castle(!?!). Seriously, Violet apparently has a Count Dracula-type castle somewhere in Louisiana. Did she take over Russell Eddington’s old crib? No, he didn’t have a stuffed bear. Anyway, this bitch is so crazy. She brings Adilyn and Wade into her secret sex room, and shows off her heirloom strap-ons and body oil collection. I would call this inappropriate but they ARE having sex so it’s not like they’re 5th graders, despite the way everyone talks down to them.

How come the kinky people on TV and movies always end up being crazy? Kink-shaming! Violet says “your welcome” to Adilyn thanking her by tongue-kissing her. She’s a giver, that Violet.

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Photo Credits: HBO


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