There is something just giggle worthy about kicking contestants off a reality show by denying them a rose, the very object that our society has deemed a symbol of love. Ultimately it makes them feel unworthy, regardless of how undesirable the man on the other end of the stem may actually turn out to be. So in honor of the newest season of The Bachelor
, which debuted on ABC last week, it seems only fitting that we should hold a very special rose ceremony of our own.Ross Gellar
The first rose must go to one-half of pop culture's so-called perfect couple (but clearly not everyone agrees with that assessment): Ross Geller (David Schwimmer
) from Friends
. Putting the whole "three divorces" thing aside - and the fact that he will often forget he's on a date with you and leave to go do something else (ahem, Mona) - Ross is the epitome of the "friend guy" in romantic comedies. In fact, though Rachel (Jennifer Aniston
) admitted she never looked at him in a romantic sense, the only reason she changed her mind after learning he had been pining for her since they were kids was because Ross - in a daydream, nonetheless - told her to "start looking."
In reality, though, it's never so cut and dry. If there's a guy in your life who has always been just your friend - not even a rogue kiss or two here and there - it's that way for a reason. Sometimes you're just not attracted to someone, or you think you wouldn't mesh well on a romantic (or even purely sexual) level. There's nothing wrong with that... except when the guy tries to guilt or pity you into dating him. So because Ross ultimately "wore Rachel down" (and since when are we teaching guys that "No doesn't really mean No?"), he leads the pack for those who will never get one of the roses.Ted Mosby
Following that lead is Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor
) from How I Met Your Mother
. Ted even went so far as to teach his teenage son that "No doesn't really mean No" on the latest episode "Ten Sessions." Ted is the kind of guy who says everything a woman wants to hear, so it all seems perfect at first. Only as she travels down the relationship road with him, she realizes that it's not her he's interested in but rather the act of getting married in general. He wants to be in a relationship so badly, it doesn't even matter who he's with, and he ends up projecting so many of his hopes and desires onto his girlfriend without ever stopping to consider who she is and what she might want out of the whole thing. He's extremely selfish and needy, and in that way he's quite the self-sabotager. What's worse is that he doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior and can't figure out why he has such a hard time finding "the one."
Vince of What I Like About You
and the actor who portrayed him - Nick Zano
, who had a habit of reading his own name off teleprompter copy - had the fact that he was just too dumb for words working against him. There were more misunderstandings between him and Holly (Amanda Bynes
) than in an average Three's Company
episode. Whenever he made a mistake and they got into a fight, he would just give up and turn to whoever else was around for some physical comfort, further angering his girlfriend by proving he didn't really respect her or their relationship. He was the typical adolescent jock who thought with the wrong head and probably should have outgrown his immaturity years earlier but just never cared enough to.
Michael BluthArrested Development's
Michael Bluth (Jason Bateman
) has great hair, a killer smile, and dresses well. And, oh yeah, he comes from money and runs a business. Unfortunately, his family is more baggage than anyone can handle, and he never actually listens when people speak (leading to the kinds of misunderstandings that are only funny if you're on the outside of it). Instead, he always seems to focus on what he will say or do next. He seems to be well intentioned, but he comes up short in that distracted, too-much-on-his-plate-and-not-enough-brain-power-to-handle-it sort of way.
"Entourage" boys club
Finally, all of the guys of Entourage
, Kevin Dillon
, Jerry Ferrar
& Kevin Connolly
) must get lumped together and receive only one rose in total because not one of them is a prize. Though their camaraderie is admirable in that they stick by each other's sides no matter what, it often gets in the way of how they treat the women in their lives. They too are in a state of perpetual adolescence, which gives them the collective emotional maturity of a 14-year-old. And let's face it, grown men who go to lunch in $1,000 watches and drawstring track pants don't exactly scream "responsible adult." They can barely take care of themselves; how can they be expected to even consider another person's needs or desires? And of course that's rhetorical because they don't care enough to consider it anyway.
Who do you think are TV's worst bachelors? Make a comment!
Story by Danielle Turchiano
Starpulse contributing writer