Recap: 'Married to Jonas' - Season One, Episode Five
This week’s episode of “Married to Jonas” can pretty much be summed up in one sentence: “You might THINK you want to be married to a Jonas, but you don’t!”
But, as usual, I get ahead of myself.
The episode begins with all the Jonas family in Los Angeles to watch Papa Jonas get the “Father of the Year” award from the American Diabetes Association. We learn that Nick is a diabetic and that the Jonases are very big into the cause. We also find out that everyone thinks Kevin senior is the best dad ever and both Nick and Kevin want to be like him (Joe and Frankie are conspicuously silent on that one). We also learn that Dani actually practices what to say to people when she meets them at events like that one because she gets so nervous she’s afraid she won’t know what to say.
Back in New Jersey, Kevin gets a call from his reps telling him a magazine called “Social Life” wants he and his bride to be on their cover. Kevin is thrilled, Dani predictably isn’t. And this is where it gets a little sad. Apparently Dani reads a lot of what the little fangirls write about her and isn’t thrilled about giving them another opportunity to call her “ugly” and a “gold-digger”. Can’t say that I blame her. It’s easy for us to forget that they are real people, which, I suppose, is the entire point of this reality show. (Here’s where I apologize to Mama Jonas for all the bad things I’ve called her.)
Dani finally agrees to the shoot and she and her sister Dina go to a movement training class. This seems to be something shy, rich people to do practice for photo shoots. Dina is a natural in front of the camera (calling herself both J-Lo and Beyoncé) but Dani is, as Dina so sweetly points out, “awkward” in front of the camera. But by the end of the scene Dani is selling it like her sister and ready for the shoot.
Dani admits to being “terrified” but Kevin is having himself a ball and when Kevin is having fun EVERYONE is having fun so Dani ends up enjoying the photo shoot in spite of herself.
Kevin and Dani invite Dina and her husband Brian out to dinner to talk about the photo shoot and invite the in-laws to a party at the Hamptons – given in honor of the magazine. (I am completely out of touch here. I didn’t realize you are obligated to give a party after you’ve been on the cover of a magazine but Kevin tells Dani SHE has to be the host and speak to the guests…as you could guess, this doesn’t go over well. But we’ll get back to that.) Over the course of the evening, Dani ends up in tears because no matter how beautiful Kevin tells her she is, especially in regard to one of the pictures from the shoot that was sent to his cell phone, she thinks he’s lying. Also, Dani gets mad because Kevin is always so optimistic and Dina offers the advice that she thinks they need counseling. She might not be wrong.
We flash forward to a morning in Kevin and Dani’s bedroom. Kevin is rushing around because he got a last minute call to co-host “Live with Kelly” and Dani doesn’t want to go with him because she always feels like she’s in the way. Kevin tells her she’s his wife and where he goes she goes so she shouldn’t feel out of place but she decides to stay home and prepare for the big party.
We get a montage of how great Kevin is as Kelly Ripa’s co-host. He was born to be a television host of some sort, he really was. He even tells the camera that he has a passion for hosting and it’s obvious. It’s also obvious that his outgoing personality basically makes him believe he can do anything and he’s married a woman with the completely opposite outlook on life.
In order to get out of hosting the party at the Hamptons, Dani gets in a car accident. Okay, that isn’t exactly what happened. Someone hit her car and she ended up in the hospital with lots of bruises and aches but otherwise okay. Kevin is completely freaked out by this and assures us that his number one priority is Danielle and he intends on making them “the best we can be”. He’s just too adorable for words.
We end the episode with sister Dani bringing over a copy of the magazine and I await Dani’s breakdown when she sees the photos. Much to my surprise and pleasure, she actually likes them and peace is restore once again.
Honestly, if it is possibly to feel sorry for a woman who married this well…I do. She might have money and a doting, adorable husband, but she doesn’t seem to be enjoying it an awful lot. Then again, I might just be getting sucked into the reality world that isn’t quite real.
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