Last night was the night when 'American Idol' bizarrely transforms into 'The Sing-Off'.
'American Idol' is a solo performance show, an individual competition where the judges seek to find the best contestant to become a pop star. So, of course, they make these solo artists sing together in a group in order to determine who should move on. The obvious choice.
This exercise has never made much sense. Actually, it used to make a lot of sense: It was a perfect excuse to inject the artificial reality show drama of the behind-the-scenes elements of group week into the show for a fun little distraction. Now that the producers have essentially torpedoed that element, this part of the show is just completely without any use at all.
Well, except for the unintentional comedy of the evening. With that, here are the group night awards:
Most Ridiculous Tradition
These groups stay together for all of four minutes. After one night of sleep-deprived fighting they perform together once and then that's it - they're individuals again. Despite this, they name their groups. After years of this, it's still mind-blowing that groups lasting less time than 'The Paul Reiser Show' feel a need to ply themselves with monikers. Though without that tradition we wouldn't get to enjoy groups such as "3 Dayz" and "Backstreet Cowboys".
Actually, this should really be called "Best Tradition."
Most Absurd Abbreviation
At one point Jennifer said "The Choreo" fell apart during one performance. She was probably talking about the choreography, but there may have been a glass-doored cabinet that collapsed at the edge of the stage. It's unclear.
Most In Need of a Bailout
Before the second commercial break there was a group of two girls and a guy who allowed the guy to choose the song despite what seemed like ferocious objections and proceeded to absolutely dismally destroy their audition. Wtihin about 40 seconds they were stumbling around the stage in a clump like a girl's soccer group chasing the ball and tried to remember the words like Garth and Kath squared. It's rare to see a full-on drunken jukebox half sing-a-long at this stage in the show, but they even put that timeless art form to shame.
It was so bad, that after their performance, Jennifer suggested that they come up with some sort of key phrase to help each other with the lyrics during the song. Like kids in a high school play having a code for the teacher to bring them a copy of the script. When the judges commentary has nothing to do with your singing but just simple memorization, you know you had a lackluster performance.
Biggest Conspiracy Theory
Melissa, who suffered through the aforementioned dumpster fire of a performance that somehow ONLY sent her home, walked out of the competition claiming there were some "hidden agendas" in the group. Yep, because everybody in the competition was gunning for platinum-selling mega-star and pop sensation Melissa. Everybody sounded like a group yawn of confusion to make sure she wouldn't be there at the top to keep them from winning. Good thing they executed their brilliant covert plan to eliminate her, otherwise nobody would have had a chance.
"Feeling The Calling" Award
Goes to Tiquila who came out in the middle of auditions to announce to heart was with the gospel and she was leaving the show right there to go focus on whatever it was she was going to focus on. She makes the second ridiculously dramatic quitting of the show following the guy with the fake haircut on Wednesday's show who quit for no apparent reason.
Godspeed, Tiquila - I'm sure that it was worth it for you to come out and make a spectacle of your quitting as much as it was essential for the producers to show the person we don't even remember walking out on the show.
Best Stage Mom
Speaking of feeling the lawd, Stephanie's mom had all sortsa soul flowing through her as she berated three total strangers for supposedly undermining her sweet superstar daughter's chance at the big-time by doing much better than her and generally arranging a superior performance.
She was so certain that they were to blame for her daughter being forced too early into the spotlight that she repeatedly said "God as my witness" and "Hand on my Bible" despite having no Bible and nothing for God to really witness other than her ranting.
Ah, it's too bad we won't get to see her craziness during the live performances, she'd be dynamite in front of a hot mic.