The Chamber. The Chamber! This season 'Idol' has the Chamber! It's so exciting.
Well, actually it's an elevator. It goes up into a room. There's really nothing to it. It's not even that small. It's an elevator. Certainly not the portal to rocketship stardom or whatever Keith called it in this abbreviated show.
It's sad when you have to pretend things are entertaining and exciting to represent the idea of it. Rather than have actual fun on the show, this season, it's just an hour of bland with only a small elevator to take us up.
Speaking of small and abbreviated, let's get to this week's quick rundown of the best and the worst:
The Two Best Auditions
This was the girl who led off the show with a headband so cute that Harry had to opine in detail about its cuteness. She also has a first name that makes a surname superfluous. She's just Majesty from now on.
We need to establish that because it's very likely we're going to see a lot more of Majesty. She's a bit of a guitar hero meaning that she's more of a player than she is a singer, but the two marry together royally as she played 'Violet Hill' (must be a first on this show at any level) in a way it's never been played by anybody: turning it into something of a funk folk song that just flowed. It will be interesting to see if she can keep reworking songs like this and what she has in store for the competition.
This was fifteen-year-old home cook who came in dressed like he was about to wait in line for the 'Firefly' symposium at Comic-Con. He's fifteen and he has the crazy soul voice of a fifty-year-old. Big, raw and powerful. He just drove home his performance with supreme confidence and a fun attitude that's almost irresistible. He's definitely a little unrefined, but with some season he could really take off as the competition develops.
The Two Worst Auditions
This was the country dressed in a hipster costume, complete with a terrible beard. He sang a capella in a matter that could only really make a shepherd happy as he bleated for about 90 seconds until the producers decided to mercifully cut away to show that he's married and he loves his wife - super fascinating!
Keith said he'd crash his car if he heard him singing a capella on the radio. Couldn't agree more: a car crash is a much less painful fait than listening to Briley wail. The judges loved him for some reason. Maybe because nobody's allowed to be bad on this show anymore.
This was the tall drink of water who came in with sandals, jeans, and a stupid hair cut. So what do you think this moronic hipster would sing? Of course it would be 'I Wanna Be Like You' from the 'Jungle Book'. Why not? It's super ironic right?
The song choice, though, wasn't the most offensive moment of his audition. His voice, filled with more fake jazz than a poseur's musical taste section on his online dating profile and borderline mush-mouthed, was so bad that it really deserved ridicule.
Did he get through? Of course! This is the super happy cuddly 'Idol' Season 13! At least Harry denied him.
Here's what else Harry did last night...
The Best of Harry
"Major Tomcat! That's it, I'm done for the day." - perfectly describing a David Bowie-esque Cosmic Cat on a auditioner's T-Shirt.
"Do you know that song: 'I have a small plastic bag and a towelette'?" - describing the strong possibility that a auditioner's dog peed on his lap.
"I feel like my head is underwater." - responding to somebody attempting to sing 'Radioactive'.
"Because it wasn't singing." - responding to J-Lo's too-nice criticism of a hopeful's performance.