Until now, I’ve made it my mission to avoid making fun of Justin Bieber.
I always just thought he was too easy of a target. Like every joke anybody could possibly make about him had already been subconsciously made in everybody’s mind the moment he exploded into the public consciousness.
There just never seemed to be a reason to state the obvious.
Well now we have one. The worst X Factor/Idol/Voice/Anything judge/guest/mentor ever has appeared in the cherubic form of the Biebs.
From what I could tell, Bieber was there to do one thing: Take his sunglasses on and off at random times during the contestants performances. That’s it. That’s all he did from what I could tell.
Well, there’s also disappointing a bunch of thirty-something grinders who instantly resented him the moment they saw he’d be the person judging him. And also sometimes exclaiming somebody was “excellent” without any support or reasoning.
Yes, Bieber really has no business in the judge’s chair. So he’s right at home on a show with Demi Lovato!
Of course, it wasn’t all the Biebs last night. There were also performances from our final two categories. The tweenies and the Over-25s.
I’ll admit it. This tech support rep is my favorite contestant this season. I love his personality. I love his positive attitude. I loved his first audition. This one…I didn’t love so much. He sang “Big Girls Don’t Cry” (The Fergie Version) and was pretty good on the lower parts but when he went for the big moments that required belting, he sounded sharp to me. He seemed to wow everybody else, including his fellow contestants, so maybe my hearing was just bad tonight. I hope so. Also, props on not changing the words to “Big Boys”. I never understand why people do that. You’re singing a song. It’s not about you. You didn’t write it. Just sing it as is.
I’ve never really dug David Correy. He just seems so mediocre and middle-of-the-road. He did a pretty cool version of Jesse J’s “Domino” which, despite the arrangement, was just kind of there. He just doesn’t have that extra gear to wow you. He’s just kind of pleasant. LA’s goose pimples disagreed with me, however.
I have never seen this guy before and the producers apparently know that as they had Daryl do a talking head during his performance. He had a really solid cool soul voice. Too bad we didn’t get to hear much of him over his talking.
The country guy goes R & B again with “Back at One” by Brian McKnight. The results are a bit mixed here as I don’t think this is the right song for him at all. He’s such a great country singer that I don’t know why he veers into this R & B stuff so often. If he stuck to country, he could really be a star. Here, he just seems like a wannabe.
Yikes. Before he sang we found out Vino Alan had a bit of a “Good Will Hunting”-esque childhood. Except worse. And in real life. Good thing he’s able to channel whatever pain still lingering from it into some really solid and soulful performances. This was another as he absolutely towers over his audition with a ton of raw intensity. He’s so different from everyone else. In a very good way.
Another person I’ve never seen before. Tara was an absolute shrill mess who oversang and reached so hard for high notes that she couldn’t hit. The result was a total mess that heard her screaming, “Thank you Jesus!” I’m not sure for what.
(Note: I hate little kid performers so this was watched with less than full interest)
The clear standout among this group absolutely slayed it again to the point that the other contestants were basically plotting her murder as she sang. I don’t see how she doesn’t advance.
This is the Justin Bieber clone who just passed Justin Bieber in his ability to judge and be a mentor on X-Factor. How did he do that? Well, just by not being Justin Bieber. He also kinda sorta sang, but not really well. He’s a non-threat to do much of anything.
Did you know there was a young white rapper in the competition? Neither did I. And I still wish I didn’t.
The survivor from last year’s Intensity debacle showed that he has some serious solo chops on Nicki Minaj’s ‘Starships’. I barely recognized him or the song he was that poised and solid on it. Also, because I’d stopped paying attention.
Beatrice Miller and Carly Rose Sonenclar
Worth putting together because they’re both insanely young. They’re both the same singer. They both talk like they’ve been spit out of the bottom of the industry after 30 years. When they’re really each only 13. And they look 10. And they probably didn’t know what singing was 5 years ago. Ugh. Annoying and creepy.
Also, Carly is much much better than Beatrice. They may keep them both, but it’s really only worth it to keep Carly.
Check back next Thursday to see who made the live shows and this season’s edition of the Molly Dewolf Swenson Scale.