Last night it was the judges, tonight it’s Crystal.  How is she going to hold up after her now-legendary trip to the hospital?  It’s strange how much drama that has nothing to do with singing seems to keep affecting this season.

In fact, there’s so much drama around the show, that delaying the review of the show with any more drama may just be too much.  So let’s get to it!

Random Thoughts Waiting for the Actual Show To Start:

I don’t know why, but the little valentine on Randy’s sweater really made me chuckle.  No idea why.

Nice topical “Who Let the Dogs Out” reference there, Ellen.  Her jokes have usually been funny on this part of the show, but anything related to the Baha Men lost its relevance about 8 years ago.

A rare dull intro from Simon.  Really, tonight is more important than last week?  That’s the judge introduction cliché equivalent of a coach saying that, “Every game is our Super Bowl”.  C’mon, Simon.  Don’t Ellen out on us!  (Yes, “to Ellen” is now a verb in “Idol” land, definition:

And. . .On with the show!

Crystal Bowersox Sang “Long as I Can See the Light” by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Randy Said: You are the truth.

Kara Said: Yay, we have a Kara airhead moment!  She said Crystal sang “You Oughta Know” last week – it was actually “One Hand in My Pocket” there, Ms. Judge

Ellen Said: You’re amazing.

Simon Said: Wow, and an airhead moment from Simon – misunderstimate?  That’s not a word there, Mr. Judge.  He did say that with Crystal he thinks they have a real serious artist.

The Verdict:

I like that she said she was going to put a gospel spin on a gospel song.  I think next week I’m going to put a heavy metal spin on “Enter Sandman”.  Nobody will expect that!

After that performance, I think I’ll have to call her Aljanis Jorisette.  (Alanis Morisette crossed with Janis Joplin).  And yes, that was a compliment.  Unfortunately, it only refers to her vocal style and singing, not to her stage presence – something sorely lacking here.

Grade: B+

Prediction: Sympathy vote for the undisclosed illness and a great performance?  Yeah, she’ll stick around.

Haeley Vaughn Sang “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus

 Randy Said: It was excruciating.

Kara Said: You need a year of singing lessons.

Ellen Said: You did not connect to the song at all.

Simon Said: It was a complete and utter mess.  It’s ironic for you to sing a song about climbing when you fell off.  (This statement actually had Ryan kind of confronting Simon – which was met with a Cowell stoneface).

The Verdict:

 There’s not really any other way to say it – she just didn’t sing this song well at all.  She was flat on every note, and her voice never filled out to the size of the song.  There were moments when she hit a few solid notes, but for the most part this sounded like a sixteen-year-old singing in the shower.  Which is probably where Haeley was six months ago.

Grade: D

Prediction: Unless Vote for the Worst can save her, she’s going to be climbing onto a bus back home.

Lacey Brown Sang “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None The Richer

 Randy Said: I was looking for the words to flash across the screen like we’re at a karaoke club.

Kara Said: You got your tone back, but you have to step it up.

Ellen Said: I thought it was adorable.

Simon Said: It was marginally better than last week, but you aren’t showing who you really are.

The Verdict:

 Y’know, I really want to like Lacey – great personality, great look, really pretty – but my goodness was this bad.  It’s like somebody who has never heard the song before trying to sight sing and choreograph the song on the spot.  Near the end, she starts to loosen up a bit and not look so stiff, but that didn’t help her voice at all.  A mess.

Grade: D-

Prediction: She actually kind of got a boost from Simon!  That might be enough to help her stick around.  I hope she stays – I really want her to become good.

Katie Stevens Sang “Put Your Records On” by Corinne Bailey Rae

Randy Said: Pitchy at the beginning, but cool at the end.

Kara Said: This was another signature Kara ramble, though she did say something that I’ve always said – some songs are great to listen to, but there isn’t enough to them to sing on stage.

Ellen Said: I still want to see you younger.

Simon Said: You’re failing to show what kind of artist you’re going to be.  I think you’ll stay around for another week.

The Verdict:

It’s kind of freaky to watch Katie.  She’s like a character from Greek Mythology – she has the body of a thirteen-year-old cheerleader and the voice of a 40-year-old French Jazz singer.

I, of course, mean that in the nicest possible way.  She hit every note right on the nose with a voice that you’d love to hear coming out of one those records.  Just a sterling rendition.  If she can mature a bit with regards to her stage presence she’ll be a real threat.

Grade: A-

Prediction: I have no idea why the judges didn’t like her, but if DialIdol.com is to be believed, America liked her more than anybody else last week – I think she’ll certainly stay.

Didi Benami Sang “Lean on Me” by Bill Withers

Randy Said: I didn’t think it really worked – it showed the imperfections with what you can’t do, rather than highlighting what you can do.

Kara Said: It wasn’t good (ice cold, Kara!).

Ellen Said: I don’t know that was really the greatest song choice.

Simon Said: It sounded like a cat screeching.  It was a wasted opportunity.

The Verdict:

First of all, I still can’t get over how much she looks like Brooke White – it’s uncanny!  Second of all, there’s a great documentary about Bill Withers out right now called “Still Bill” – check it out.

Third of all, there’s her performance.  She sounds a bit like Macy Gray crossed with Corinne Bailey Rae.  It almost works here.  She connects to the song well, taking it beyond karaoke right away in that regard but keeping it below karaoke with her voice and strange gyrations about the stage. All in all, the vocal is just off, with erratic notes popping up all over the place.

Grade: D+

Prediction: That was actually pretty forgettable, and got the full brunt of the judges’ fury – that’s a recipe for disaster.

Michelle Delamor sang “With Arms Wide Open” by Creed

Randy Said: It fell flat for me.

Kara Said: My favorite performance of yours ever.

Ellen Said: It almost worked, but not quite.

Simon Said: You kind of got 80% percent of it right.

The Verdict:

I have to admit, for the beginning of this song I was completely entranced by those strange gloves she was wearing that don’t cover her whole hand.  What are those things?  Plus the bottom of her dress is dangerously resembling a diaper.

Unfortunately for me, I was shaken out of my stupor by watching Michelle absolutely savage a Creed song.  I didn’t know it was possible to do injustice to the work of Scott Stapp, but she managed to do it in spades with this trainwreck of a performance.  What’s next, somebody desecrating Nickleback?

Grade: F

Prediction: No matter what you do, if Simon picks you up, you’ll be around for another week.

Lilly Scott sang “A Change is Gonna Come” by Sam Cooke

Randy Said: I loved it.

Kara Said: I was riveted.  I couldn’t wait to see what you were going to do next.  You are going to change the game.

Ellen Said: You’ve got it, whatever it is.  I forgot we were in a singing competition – I was just a fan in a seat watching an amazing performance.

Simon Said: I thought it was good, I wasn’t crazy about it.

The Verdict:

It’s so strange.  I’ve heard this song three times on this show.  First Syesha killed it.  Then Adam Lambert absolutely carpet bombed it and now Lilly has taken what was left of it and disintegrated that.  She just has an amazing voice and an extremely accomplished way of connect gracefully with the song.  Honestly, if she hadn’t been singing the lyrics, I would not have even known what she was singing, that’s how completely she made the song her own, and just absolutely lorded over the performance.  That was amazing, and, once again, she is going to win.

Grade: A

Prediction: No way she’s going home.  She’s going to win, after all.

Katelyn Epperly Sang “The Scientist” by Coldplay

Randy Said: I really liked it.  It was great until the last couple of notes.

Kara Said: I kind of love you – you’re a little too all over the place, but you’re seriously good.

Ellen Said: I fell kind of asleep – it was so slow.  If I’m at home babysitting, you’re helping me out, because the baby’s asleep.

Simon Said: It was a million times better than last week, you put yourself back in the race here.

The Verdict:

I have never heard this song on this show, and I would sincerely like to thank Katelyn for choosing something new.

I’d also like to thank Katelyn for giving a sweetly spare performance that was elegantly restrained.  Sometimes doing nothing but letting your voice and a simple piano line play is enough to make a compelling performance.  There were points where she oversang a bit too much, but for the most part this was a solid performance.

Grade: B

Quick tangent – I don’t know that Katelyn is actually that much better than some of the middle-of-the-pack girls, but she seems a lot better because she is just picking great songs.  She is perfectly demonstrating how much song choice matters – it’s putting her up there with the Lilly’s and the Crystal’s of the world.

Prediction: She’s way too likeable and way too good to go home yet.

Paige Miles Sang “Walk Away” by Kelly Clarkson

Randy Said: I liked it.  I wasn’t over-the-top in love with it.

Kara Said: I could see you having a hit with that song – but you didn’t connect with the song on an emotional level.

Ellen Said: I loved it.  I thought it was fantastic.

Simon Said: Two-weeks-in-a-row you’ve failed to choose the right song for you – you’re getting lost in the songs.

The Verdict:

She had some difficulty keeping up with the tempo of the song and matching the energy of the band, but it’s clear from this performance that she has a superb voice and she let it go nicely in this song, mixing in some runs and just hitting each note right on the spot.  In the bridge where the band dropped out, was when she really let it work out, just letting her voice stand on its own and hitting what must have been something like a high M.  Spotty at the beginning, but she brought it home so well at the end that it didn’t really matter.

Grade: B+

Prediction: Despite some lackluster comments from the judges, she went late enough that people will remember her.  Sometimes, that’s all that matters.

Siobahn Magnus Sang “Think” by Aretha Franklin

Randy Said: It was dope.  You slayed it.

Kara Said: I don’t know how you hit that note.

Ellen Said: Oh man that was good.  She also made a remarkably good Snuggie joke – just when you thought they were all gone.

Simon Said: I thought there were parts of the song that were terrible but that note was incredible.  You’re interesting and very very talented.

The Verdict:

It’s weird to see a small quirky girl like Siobahn just work this soul song out to the point of exhaustion, but she does it effortlessly here, sprinkling in some sharp bits of vocal flair for good measure.  Plus, she didn’t for a moment look awkward on stage.  This was a borderline starmaking performance – especially when she eviscerated that high note at the end.  She is a funny little thing, but she’s a talented little thing too.

Grade: A

Prediction: If you can hit a note like that, there’s no way American votes you off.

Final Thoughts:

This was an episode without any middle ground whatsoever.  The girls either absolutely slayed their performances or ended up slayed by the judges.  Two weeks in, we can already pinpoint which girls are going to be in the top 12: Siobahn, Lilly, Crystal, Katie, Paige and Katelyn.  So why don’t we just go ahead and move on?

Oh yeah!  Because it’s fun to see people get voted off.  That’s what this show’s all about, right?  So let’s get to that.

I think it’s pretty clear that DiDi is on her way out.  Her performance came in the middle of the show, got savaged by the judges and is not likely to be remembered by anybody.  Of course, anybody who went before the master classes by Lilly and Siobahn will likely be forgotten, so going right before Lilly will doom DiDi.

The second girl?  It looks like a three-way dance to the death between Lacey, Michelle and Haeley.  I think the judges’ mediocre reviews will pick Michelle up enough, and Simon’s support of Lacey should carry her through.  Haeley, however, got savaged by every judge and went second – meaning she’ll easily be swallowed.

Looks like Haeley and DiDi this week.  Meaning it’ll be Lacey and Michelle next week.

So, I guess it doesn’t really matter.

Story by Andrew Payne

Starpulse contributing writer