Last night, "American Idol" rolled into Orlando for a lot more good than bad. In fact, there was only one really bad audition in the whole bunch, a rarity for this show.

Auditions were so good, that they didn't even need a guest judge for half of the episode, as the spunky Kristin Chenoweth hit the road after the first day (they couldn't find a judge with two days free? Really?).

Of course, even with so much goodness, there were some that stood out amongst the pack.

Let's start there. Shall we?

The Three Best Auditions

3. Shelby

This was the girl who had nerve damage on the right side of her face. I thought she looked like Jennifer Carpenter, and Ryan Seacrest thought she looked just fine, telling her so with the creepiest lean forward ever on television.

But enough about looks, what about her voice? It sounded like a country-fried Whitney Houston as she matched big soul instrument with a down-home feel. Even though she forgot the lyrics at the end, this was one of the best of a very good night.



2. Matt

This was the guy who did time for robbing a bank with a BB gun when he was sixteen. He sang Ray LaMontagne's "Trouble" with a big booming husk of pureness. His voice was clear and silky to make for a perfect bluesy alt-country performance. He even allowed his voice to let loose, hitting some large upper-register notes without having to reach.

1. Seth

This was the father of the autistic child. He sang "Someone to Watch Over Me" this was the purest stick of butter of a voice we've seen so far on the show. His performance was completely effortless and totally unassuming, just a real smooth flow down a river of sonic delight.

Two Unique Auditions

With so much good on the show, we can't jump straight to the bad, so let's go with a few that were a bit out-of-this-world.

1. Cornelius

He sang "Proud Mary" after confessing to learning some dance moves from his friends in the adult entertainment world. His singing was good enough, but the show stopper came when he jumped about five feet in the air and performed the most eye-popping split man has ever seen, with his legs preventing total disaster by only the tiniest of margins. His body did survive, but his pants could quite handle the Corneliusness of it all, splitting in two following his dance with infertility. Who knows what he'll pull out during Hollywood week. Hopefully it's not something from his pants.



2. Jeff

This was the super-cool human beatbox who sang "Come Together" He started like a version of Blake Lewis with a worse singing voice and superior beat-boxing skills. When he started to sing "Ain't No Sunshine" after his Beatles number, he flashed a pretty good singing voice. This left the judges very divided.

It all led to a rare case of the judges disagreeing with good reason, and actually led to some real drama, as there was no real way to determine how the judges would vote as he was good, but so unique that there was no way of telling how it would all shake out. It'd be cool to see more situations like this, but they are very rare.

The Worst Audition

There was only one terrible audition last night (even Theo, who looked like The Phantom of the Opera in drag, wasn't that bad) and that belonged to Jared.

Jared came in looking like a reject from a call for bikers at Central Casting. He had weird sideburns and even stranger facial hair. He attempted to sing "Amazing Grace" but instead shredded it with a rusty chainsaw of a voice. But that wasn't the worst part.

The worst part came after his blasphemous audition ended. He simply stood there, refusing to leave until security dragged him out. Then he was force outside and arrested! I have never seen that happen before, very reminiscent of "To Catch a Predator" with the facial hair to match.

Best of Simon (and Kara)

There were some quick hit bad auditions at the beginning allowing Simon to rattle of these gems:

"You walked in with the lights off."

"I was actually beginning to fall asleep."

"You walked in like a cocktail stick and then sang as if you sat on cat. I mean, that was the audition."

After the infamous Jared audition, Kara opined, "Oh good Lord, what was that?"

Finally, after the whole arrest was finished, Simon chimed in with a droll bit of deadpan: "Yes or No?"

Other Random Thoughts:

The judges seemed to like a pair of sisters from New Jersey who took turns giving lame performances of "Hit The Road Jack" and "I Wanna Dance with Somebody".

The first, Bernadette, barely sang "Jack" with mostly sing speak, and sounded okay when she belted, but that was only for a bit. The second, Amanda, gave a grating and irritating upper register performance of "Dance" that was okay in the lower register but more ear-splitting than it was pleasant.

Despite this, the judges sent them through.

And finally, the best note I wrote to myself while watching the show came courtesy, once more, of Jared who I said sang "Amazing Grace" like he crawled out of an ashtray that had been submerged in a bottle of vodka. Was both gravelly and mush-mouthed. A very toxic combination indeed.

Thank you, Jared.

Image © PR Photos

Story by Andrew Payne

Starpulse contributing writer