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'True Blood' Season 6 Finale Review And Musing

Alyssa Landau Alyssa Landau
August 19th, 2013 9:54am EDT

True Blood

Well, I feel vindicated that Warlow really was as pathetic as I always believed. There wasn’t much closure in this episode. It felt more like a penultimate episode, not a finale. Overall, this season was entertaining but without the cohesion of a good ending, it couldn’t truly be as great as it set out to be.

And as much as I love a time jump, you have to set up interesting and compelling storylines to make it worth tuning into another season. Is Jason’s quest to have sex with Violet compelling? How about Sookie’s boring relationship with Alcide? Jessica’s watchful eye over Andy’s kin? Tara’s relationship with her mother? The only morsel of what’s coming that really got me interested was seeing what these Hep V vamps have in store.

Here's a breakdown of the season 6 finale of 'True Blood.'

• We begin on the tail end of Terry’s never ending funeral AND a scene with Alcide. Not a great start.

• “You mix cement.” What Sookie meant was, “Alcide, you look and act really dumb, so of course I’m shocked when you have an intelligent comment.” But she’s nicer than me.

• The high vampires are still running around like idiots and have, for some reason, collectively decided to hang out on Bill’s lawn. Because when I want to have an orgy, I always go to the home of a grumpy dude adjacent to a cemetery.

• Alcide, go home. And never come back.

• Remember when Marianne forced the people of Bon Temps to have fun? The scene with the high vampires is a lot like that.

• “Who’s making a Target run?” Worst vampires ever.

• Jason wants to have sex with Violet Sue, who is not so much mysterious as mysteriously boring.

• All of the female vampires are wearing the same white training bra. The Nazi Human Vampire Genocide Camp Counselors have terrible taste in clothing.

• Bill looking longingly at Sookie from the window? No thanks. No thanks to the max.

• Warlow planning his perfect fairy princess wedding? No thanks some more.

• “There’s no denying I have feelings for you.” Sookie to Warlow. I deny it. I deny it completely. Where did these feelings come from?

• Slapping and choking a girl who says she wants to date you is kind of an overreaction, Warlow.

• The show remembered that Tara exists just in time to make her wear a stupid cowboy hat.

• When Pam flies to go find Eric, she flies right into a tree. You’d think she’d have more aim.

• “I feel like Bill again.” “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Because it is. It’s a terrible fate, to be Bill.

• It’s too late to care about the B.S. Sookie is going through, Bill, after acting like King Douche this whole season.

• Violet wearing the pre-teen purple outfit is embarrassing. The show trying to make her relevant to the story is also embarrassing.

• Andy’s daughter is also wearing an all purple pre-teen outfit, but it’s way more appropriate than with old lady Violet.

• Just noticed: the chandelier in the middle of fairyland cemetery. Why?

• “You really are a danger whore. You risk everything on the hope that you are special…You should have trusted your first instinct. You knew me better than I knew myself. As it turns out, I do just want to f*ck you, and own you, and use you for your blood.” So f&^%ing romantic, Warlow.

• I wish it was Eric and Warlow fighting instead of Bill, since Eric spent most of the season not caring about Warlow. I really thought that was foreshadowing, but I guess not.

• Eric’s cubby being used as a prison is really appropriate.

• It’s nice that Warlow’s death got to be a family affair. He killed their families, so Sookie, Jason, and Zombie Mozart Fairy Grandfather got to kill him.

• I liked the mixed effect of the fairy and vampire deaths on Warlow.

• Naked Eric alert.

• Is Eric really so stupid that he’d hang out in the sun with no place to quickly run for cover? Was he trying to kill himself? Where were his clothes? Why didn’t his book have a cover?

• “I wonder if Eric is really dead,” said nobody.

• SIX MONTHS LATER! I love time jumps.

• “And God Bled.” I’m dead at the cover of Bill’s book. It’s a great idea to put a picture of when you fought for the South in the Civil War, dumbass.

• “I was a God.” “Are you insane?”

• The look on Sookie’s face when she’s watching Bill on TV was no bueno.

• Alcide! Sookie’s terrible taste in men continues! Continuity!

• Violet is still around 6 months later. Snooze. The quest for Jason to sleep with Violet is not a storyline worthy of more than 5 minutes of screen time.

• Why is Sookie wearing that awful church hat? Has Alcide destroyed her sense of fashion?

• Jason’s fear of needles goes way back to season 1 when he had one in his penis. I love that he was afraid to get his finger pricked after 6 months of Violet snacking on him.

• Everyone was supposed to sit next to somebody new, but Alcide sat next to Sookie because he’s a rebel.

• SAM IS THE MAYOR. In what universe does that happen in only 6 months?

• Bellfleur’s Bar and Grill. Nice to see that Terry’s insurance money didn’t go towards his children's college funds.

• Sam’s plan to have every healthy human feed a healthy vampire is so overwhelmingly dumb that I can’t imagine a universe where it could work out well.

• Nicole managed to survive being Sam’s girlfriend for six whole months. Must be a record.

• Tara’s six months later haircut is beyond bad. Beyond.

• I like Willa much more when she isn’t moony over Eric.

• There’s no way that Lettie Mae doesn’t have Hep V, right? She’s just being an a-hole again to Tara, right? Things can’t change that much in six months, right? We’ll probably be seeing what it’s really like for a vampire with Hep V next season through Tara.

• Jessica protecting Andy and his daughter is a nice way to end her arc. I don’t think it has much future storyline potential but it’s nice nonetheless.

• “You need a vampire in your life, Sookie.”- Bill. If that’s not the thesis statement of this entire series, I don’t know what is.

• Zombie vampires. Can’t wait for the next season.

• I think we didn’t see Pam again because she’s busy trying to heal dumbass Eric’s burnt body. It’s highly unlikely that Eric is actually dead, especially since there was no closure whatsoever. His final scene was mysterious and left way to many questions. Not even the messed up minds of True Blood writers would be that stupid.

• See ya next time, vamps.

Photo Credits: HBO