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Big Brother Episode 14: Monsters, Misinformation, and Memory

Alyssa Landau Alyssa Landau
July 29th, 2013 12:30pm EDT

Big Brother

Part Three: Unforgettable Competition Season

Poppy Montgomery comes on the screen to announce the Have Not competition and oh my God what a coincidence, her show premieres tonight after Big Brother. “I’m not much of a detective. I’m more like the FBI…. Female Body Inspector.” -Judd. The scripted DRs are out of control this season.

They must have really been scraping at the bottom of the barrel if that’s the best clip they could air. Let me tell you about a Big Brother disease that affects 1 in 4 houseguest: Yelling-itis. It’s when player yells in the DR as if they are unaware that cameras can pick up sound. It has affected players like Dan, Joe, and now Gina Marie. “Basically I am reminded of how I lose.”- Andy on the items in the Have Not competition. While he was saying that, I’m pretty sure I saw somebody holding a clown shoe, which holds fond anti-Jeff memories for me. The first part of the competition is stacking things. Seriously. “It makes me think Elissa and I would be a good team.” – a thing that Aaryn actually said. Candice earrings of the episode: giant red crosses.

The second part of the competition, which the houseguests didn’t know about, is remembered where the items were on the shelves. I’m very impressed with how original the competitions have been this season. We are so used to the same competitions over and over.

The new competitions is absolutely the best part of this season. Aaryn, Andy, Elissa, and McCrae win first place. Andy was a Have Not for 3 out of 4 weeks, so he’s elated. Nice of the editors to not show how Amanda threw the competition so that Candice would be a Have-Not. On the live feeds, she was so proud of it. Candice is now a Have Not for the third time.“Officer Have, reporting for duty.” Jessie, no.

Part Four: The Candice Switch

Segment on Elissa doing yoga at awkward moments. She tunes everyone out while doing her moves. With this cast, that’s practically a super power. I did not understand what Howard meant when he kept telling Candice to get her bed. Was he being literal? Was it another one of his riddles? Second Candice earrings of the episode: giant green and black circles. Candice tries to talk game with Aaryn. She lays everything on the line. She basically tells her everything she needs to know about Amanda, who was essentially responsible for most of Aaryn’s alliance leaving the house.

In a season where logic existed, Aaryn would take this information and at least think about it. Instead she brags in the DR about how she has a “Candice switch” where she just ignores all of the important information she receives. Future game players: You don’t need to remind the HoH that you didn’t have a great history together. The show is trying way too hard to push the Candice and Howard showmance. Howard and Spencer are much closer. Why can’t we see them talk before nominations instead of three scenes of the showmance?

Aaryn wants to put Elissa up and go against the majority alliance. Andy jumps on the chance to bad mouth her. No surprise there. Jessie, with more screen time than ever, actually talks very intelligently about the game. GM refers to herself as being part of the house’s decision. Has there ever been a player less self-aware of her position in the game? Even Aaryn knows she’s on the bottom. Aaryn wears the bear shirt during nominations. This has been a most gruesome murder of my beloved shirt. Elissa’s key isn’t even last. The look on her face is probably the best reaction in Big Brother nomination history. Judd’s key is last. “Thank you, darling,” he says.

Gross. Spencer and Howard are nominated. Aaryn’s speech is boring, simple, and extremely short. Just like her modeling career. Zing.

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