Can you believe we've only got one week left of "Bachelor in Paradise?" Take some time and allow yourself to adjust. It's tough, we know.
After next week, there's not going to be any "Bachelor"-related material until January. That long streak that began in May with "The Bachelorette" and continued through this kinda-ok-at-times Mexican spin-off, is nearly dead.
For now, let's just suck the last drops of life from its brittle, dying husk (a husk-sucking hosted by Chris Harrison, of course).
Last week in Paradise, our our lovable, Macklemore-esque Cody told his island girlfriend Michelle he loved her. Well, not so much "Island girlfriend" as "island girl that might kinda be interested in him." So an "I love you" is waaaaaaaaay overboard.
This week, that thread continues. Michelle worries about their relationship. Cody works out. Michelle talks things through with Jesse. Cody works out. Michelle considers breaking up with him. Cody... well, you get the idea. The important thing is that Cody's quads have been thoroughly blasted.
Eventually, they convene. Michelle talks about slowing things down. Cody says he "just wants to show how much [he's] fallen in love with her," proving he either wasn't listening or doesn't know what "slowing down" is.
But they keep talking, and somehow they come to a mutually beneficial agreement. Cody will continue smothering Michelle with his affections, and also his thoroughly blasted quads. Michelle will ignore him and be the one who dictates how fast the relationship actually goes.
It's an awful agreement. But in a part of Mexico where the booze flows like water and there are teams of producers scheming to split open your relationship and mine the precious drama within, just be glad they're still together.
As are Marcus and Lacy, Paradise's definitive power couple. They know it. We know it. The producers know it- which is why when Marcus gets a date card, it gives him the option of dating whichever Lacy he'd like. This is humorous, as there is only one Lacy on the show, limiting Marcus's choice to the woman he is already dating.
But Marcus is already edging towards an "I love you," and on their date, Lacy can't bring herself to say those three little words. Also, "Tyrannosaurus Rex," as she doesn't know what that one means. Same with "Stalactite" and "Stalagmite." The camera guy tries to explain it for a good thirty seconds, but... nope. Can't get it.
These two have another picturesque date. Climbing into an abandoned hole in the ground, being swarmed by bats, swimming in a shimmering pool that, given the bat population directly above it, is probably about 65% guano. Love is in the air. Literally- because Lacy gives into her feelings and throws an "I love you" Marcus's way.
Hey, at least we can add three more words to her confirmed vocabulary.