As "The Bachelorette" begins the march to its final rose, Andi and her triumvirate of manflesh visit the parts of the Dominican Republic not wracked by horrific poverty. As is customary when picking a single specimen from your manharem, Andi reviews each potential mate by his strengths and weaknesses.
Josh's best feature is his personality, which is an odd way of pronouncing "sports," but whatever. His dark hair sets Andi's soul afire, and his personality is playful. But Josh is the type of guy Andi always falls for, and what's the point of finding love on reality TV if you end up with a love easily procured outside of reality TV?
Chris is a manly man farmer who marks planes with his love. Which is right up Andi's alley, apparently.
Nick is the posh bad guy from a thousand '80s summer camp movies, but he just "gets" Andi, which is worth mega points.
The first date this week is Nick. No serious stuff for now - just a casual helicopter ride across a few scenic locales (which they ignore, because smooching takes priority). Andi and Nick have an "adult romance" in the perfect blues of the Carribbean. Gross, guys- this is a family oriented dating show. Please keep all sex contained to an official Bachelorette Sex Suite.
Deep talk leaves Nick the perfect in for an "I love you," but he stumbles all over his words and ends up wussing out. Maybe she can pick up on the subtext in his various "umms" and "uhhs." For a second, this almost makes Nick seem sympathetic. But not really. And besides, he ends up wooing her anyway, with a picture book (this does not speak highly of Andi's emotional maturity).
Once storytime is over, they retreat to the comfort of Sex Town, USA. But not before Nick finally drops the l-bomb he's been freaking about all day. Oh, Nick. Haven't you seen those googly eyes she's been giving you? You could have belched out your "I love you" and still melted Andi's heart.
Now it's Josh's turn, and he and Andi take in all the local culture the DR has to offer: sugar cane, old license plates and aphrodisiacs of questionable origin. Also, Josh speaks Spanish, which feels like new information (el sports?). Josh, meanwhile, appreciates that Andi knows just what he wants to do on their day trip. You have precisely one guess for what that thing is (el sports).
Later, they smooch passionately as a swarm of pigeons devours the camera crew.
Over dinner, they leapfrog marriage talk and go straight to the "having children" conversation. Which Andi shortly sabotages, because Josh is too...happy? Ehh, whatever. Her sabotage doesn't last for long. To the Sexatorium, you two.