The Bachelorette European tour continues! It's a new week, a new country, and a new set of cultural traditions to be mangled by our ever-shrinking group of beautiful, desperate weirdos.
This week, Italy's on the menu, but there's something a little off about the festivities. You see, Andi has been to Italy. She knows the country and the culture (she doesn't seem to know any Italian, but you can't win 'em all). Certainly, this will give her a leg up among the menfolk, who float into Venice with talk of how the churches are totally awesome. Because if it's one thing Andi needs, it's a leg up in a competition where unrealistically attractive guys grovel at her feet for the chance at a dinner date.
Cody (who, if you've been reading along the past few weeks, has been affectionately nicknamed Macklemore, due to the fact that he looks exactly like Macklemore), is especially grovel-y this week. He's been seeing Andi for six weeks now, and has yet to actually have a one-on-one date with her. He is dating a woman he has never dated. And while it's been hard on our intrepid hip-hop superstar, he knows his day has come. Cody is the only man left to remain dateless- this is his week, right?
Sorry Cody. Andi's first pick for a tour of Italy is Nick, who spent most of last week's post-mime party being a douche in Cody's general direction. Andi is aware of this, and it's for that reason she's chosen Nick for a little alone time. For to truly understand why Nick hurt Cody's feelings, she must see what it's like to hurt Cody's feelings herself (mission accomplished).
Nick and Andi take in a day of typical Venetian romance- beautiful accordion music, a gentle gondola ride, and swarms of pigeons (because nothing says "romance" like contracting Cryptococcal Meningitis from fungus in pigeon feces). And the whole time, Andi's got her guard up, testing the waters around Nick to see if he's really as jerkish as his outward appearance makes him seem.
Is he kissably soft, or harsh and prickly? A handsome prince, or a sniveling bully in an expensive tux? It's hard to say, because after a day of giving Nick a mild stink eye, Andi grows bored of her detective routine. And by the time he's willing to open up about his alleged Cody bullying, she's all aboard the Nick hype train once more. He admits his crimes in the most roundabout way possible- "yeah, I kinda sorta was a jerk, but baby it was all for you. Oh also I love you, probably."
But her hand is rubbing his leg during the entire confession, so he's kind of in the clear before he even opens his mouth. Then, the L-word seals the deal. Nick gets his rose, plus a Bachelorette's face smushed into his own.
Now, the word of the day is "trust" here on "The Bachelorette," and so Andi has decided on a trust exercise for her group date. And by "trust exercise," we mean "forced lie detector tests, administered by the mafia." First, the men enter what looks like a medieval torture chamber. Then, as music similar (but not "expensive licensing fees" similar) to "The Godfather" theme begins to play, two surly Italians emerge from the darkness within. Andi swoons, because apparently this is her thing- she and her six traveling companions will take a romantic series of his and hers lie detector tests.
It's a trust exercise, remember? And nothing says "trust" like strapping your date into a polygraph and asking him if his intentions are noble. And if he's ready for marriage. And kids. And if he washes his hands after using the bathroom (for shame, Dylan).