The title of “Double Date” implies that the plot would perhaps surround a double date between Nick, Jess, Schmidt, and CeCe. But it’s all a smokescreen for the real center of the episode and, so far, season three as a whole. It’s the tale of Schmidt and his evolution from loveable douchebag to Bond villain level evil.

When we were introduced to Schmidt, the show never tried to hide how gross he could be. One of the best running jokes included his douchebag jar, which often filled to the brim every time he goes off on one of his womanizer, misogynist tangents. But this season he’s gone too far. By stringing along Elizabeth and CeCe, who are by all means two really nice girls, he’s gone from douchebag to scum of the earth. It’s only the third episode of the season and he has already reached the level of one of the most villainous sitcom characters in a show about a bunch of dorky roommates.

It starts when Jess and CeCe get excited at the prospect of a double date. The plan makes Schmidt a little twitchy because not only is he a cheater, he’s terrible at it. CeCe has taken his lack of blinking and other weird behavior to mean he’s on drugs.

When Nick discovers the truth, his reaction is a golden Nick Miller moment. “You think you can have a bunch of wives?! You get one wife! This is the way the world works.” Nick is torn between helping his friend and being honest with Jess. We’ve always known Nick as a terrible liar (remember the back sweat?) so it doesn’t take long until Jess knows and is ready to tear Schmidt a new one.

What follows is a hammy car race to the restaurant, where Winston is busy doing his lone wacky plot of the week. Nick and Jess argue over the right way to handle the situation, while Schmidt does what villains often do. He pushes the blame on Nick, telling CeCe that Nick is the actual cheater. It’s not unlike what we saw Schmidt do to Winston in the first episode of the season. He’s more than happy to see his friends look like creepy jerks as long as it protects him from a possibly uncomfortable situation.

As if that’s not bad enough, Schmidt acts out in the worst way possible. He’s forced to own up to his behavior and as a result loses both CeCe and Elizabeth. Instead of reflecting on what sort of bastard treats the women he loves like that, he blames Nick and Jess.

Schmidt makes a declaration that he will do everything in his power to break Nick and Jess up. It’s not unlike a cartoon bad guy. He might as well say, “I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling best friends.” Will Schmidt succeed in breaking up Nick and Jess? Probably not, but he’s sure to continue to be the worst while he tries.

Meanwhile, Nick and Jess continue to shine as a workable sitcom couple. They get to have couple moments, without the show revolving completely around their drama. Their tension in the episode is centered around trying to help their friends, not how the cheating will personally affect their relationship. The moment when Nick burns himself on the car cigarette lighter so that he can have the same amount of pain as Jess is such a dumb Nick moment but also romantic in it’s own stupid way. They also both believe that horses are from outer spaces. That’s true love.

Other Musings:

  • Good news: Ferguson the cat is still alive.
  • “Well funk that.” Winston claims he could get a table at a chair store. His rant is so funny. He’s the much more superior psychopath on the show.
  • Jess hurt her elbow fist pumping too hard at a Weird Al concert.
  • Winston thinks Toni Morrison is a man.
  • Nick after sex: “Jess, you know so many Spaceballs quotes.”
  • Jess’s reaction to finding out that Schmidt is the world’s worst: “You Long Island street trash.” She also calls him a low life and a crumb bum.
  •  Nick: “If I get another ticket, they’re going to make me wear eye glasses.”
  • Another Nick treasure: “I got ten thousand minutes in 1999 and I’m still using them.”
  • After Schmidt promises to break them up, Nick and Jess try to put everything out on the table. Jess is in the Green Party. Nick has never voted, but that still annoys him. Jess is afraid of pears and pear-shaped people. Nick doesn’t believe in the moon landing.
  • Nick: “I’m not convinced I know how to read. I’ve just memorized a lot of words.”