He gets up in the morning and dons his expensive silk bathrobe, which of course is hand-stitched monogrammed with the initials “MR.”

He looks in the closet and tries to decide which of the 747 shirts in his apartment-sized closet he will wear today, but he won’t have to make the final choice----his dresser manservant will do that for him.

King Willard Romney the First is too important for that. To dress himself.

King Willard is studying a speech he will give today, about how Obama is out of touch with the American people.

He will however spread his own margarine on his own piece of toast, but he didn’t purchase the margarine in the store. King Willard has never set foot in a store or once shopped for groceries---not once in his life. He has somebody else do that for him----- a foreign person of lesser means---much less. You see, even though conservatives rail against immigrants, they love to hire them to do the menial chores because real Americans won’t do that kind of work.

Like picking fruit in lettuce fields, or making beds in hotel rooms.

Being a conservative is all about complaining about the very people that you like to use shamelessly.

King Willard has on his agenda today a photo op posing with American soldiers. He seeks to become their Commander in Chief, even though he wouldn’t bother serving himself until now. You see, he’s too important to serve as a lowly soldier. And if the truth be known, he knew serving in the military would be, financially speaking, a sucker game.

Serving in the military and the lower ranks is something Negroes and Mexicans and poor whites who have no other options do.

King Willard can still remember the time Dick Cheney advised him, “Hell, if I had to survive on a solder’s pay----I would have gone broke.”

King Willard feels disdain for people who don’t have a lot of money. Regardless of their background, or education. There’s something wrong with them. They aren’t bright enough, or patriotic enough. They’re leeches who suck handouts from the government.

King Willard promises to make people he considers failures and disloyal into successful people, including the Palestinians, whom he earlier said have no interest in peace, and so none will be attempted during his reign. King Willard will tell the Palestinians they can stop being losers if they become Mormons and learn to sell Amway products.

King Willard intends to rule over them in any event. He earlier said that half the people in the world depend on the United States for handouts, because they lack courage. King Willard’s foreign policy in the Mideast is simple. It’s us and Israel versus all of the rest of them.

“They (whoever they are) attacked us,” King Willard said, “and they’ll pay.”

King Willard has bank accounts in Switzerland and sheltered bank accounts on the island of Tenada, Granada, Imbiba, Mioso and Fretlich.

These sheltered accounts allow him to live like the king he is. This is patriotic.

King Willard secretly disdains Negroes and Mexicans and seniors because they exhibit a reluctance to make money, ignoring the history that as late as 1957, an African American couldn’t even order a sandwich at a lunch counter. Just as most conservatives including George Will and Rush Limbaugh avoided service in the military, they also seldom study history---thus the reason for King Willard’s narrow world view.

King Willard has tried to make himself appear friendly and humble, even though he’s not. He realizes the communist-inspired bastards who will vote for the Kenyan Obama will do so anyway---there’s no reason to lie to them.

It’s the crossover voters he must lie to.

King Willard realizes this has been a tough campaign. Everything he says comes under scrutiny. He doesn’t have to take this abuse. He could be back at his exclusive country club playing cards and making snide remarks about losers.

Becoming king of the American people isn’t easy. So many of them aren’t as successful as he is.

King Willard is running a “Campaign of the Implied.” That means, you never say what you’ll do, you only promise that you’ll do it. For example, “I’ll end unemployment, but I won’t say how,” or, “I’ll deal with Iran, but I won’t say how.”

King Willard has already learned that saying what you think can get you in trouble.

King Willard’s running mate said “I’m one of you (the people). I worked at McDonalds.”

King Willard laughed himself hoarse when he heard that.

King Willard feels like saying, “I’m not one of you, and I’m proud of it.”

But King Willard won’t say that. He needs a week off from a scandal.