"LOST" is officially halfway through its final season now that the eighth episode "Recon" has aired, and this is met by equal feelings of frustration and excitement and horror. What will we do without this brilliant and infuriating show? Don't think about it too long, "LOST" fans. it'll hurt too much. This episode was all about everyone's favorite conman James "Sawyer" Ford, but it looks like his life was drastically different in the Sideways world. There's a surprise (ish) guest star, a tiring series of callbacks to the Triangle of Boring, and Smockey (smoke monster + Locke) trying to seduce yet another sheep to his side.

In the Sideways world, Sawyer is no grifter but a cop. This is actually wonderful since it connects more to his time as Jim LeFleur in Dharmaville, and he is partners with Miles. It's great to know that he and Miles are close both on and off the Island, although we didn't get to see much of that last season. ABC, fans would totally see a spin-off of Sawyer and Miles as best friends and cops in LA. Seriously. Consider it! Sawyer's parents are still dead thanks to the other-Sawyer, so he's hunting down Anthony Cooper and plans to kill him dead. Miles sets him up on a date with the lovely and non-bleeding Charlotte, and they hit it off well. And by that, I mean we get lovely shirtless Sawyer back. Yay! We've missed you, shirtless Sawyer.

He throws Charlotte out when her snooping gets too close to Anthony Cooper, and then Miles fires him as his partner for keeping secrets. Noooo, but the ABC spin-off was just getting started! Then with a little help from Little House on the Prairie, Sawyer tries to apologize to Charlotte but she won't have any of it, and he gets back the real love of his life, Miles. Then they get hit by Fugitive Kate and run her down. There is no resolution in this Sideways flash, making me think that they plan to go from there in another Sideways episode.

On the Island, Smockey gives Sawyer a mission: go to the other Island and see what's the deal over there. He thinks some of Jacob's people might be hiding there, and they need that plane to get off the Island. He also admits to Sawyer that he is the smoke monster, which doesn't make Sawyer scream like a little girl. Sawyer's like sure, I'll go on your mission, because you know he just wants to find all the possible angles to this situation, and he meets up with a possible survivor there. Only he knows she's a damn liar, and her people take him captive. They're actually Widmore's people, and Sawyer meets Charles Widmore for the first time. He knows the man, though, because Widmore's the one who sent the freighter and all those people to murder everyone. Like everyone else on this show, Widmore acts mysterious and smug about knowing more than Sawyer does, and Sawyer just agrees to help him get the smoke monster.

When Sawyer goes back to Smockey, he tells him everything that Widmore says and does a double-double cross, which is actually going to be a double-double-double cross since he tells Kate he doesn't really plan on helping either of them. He's just going to let them fight it out and get everyone to safety by taking the submarine. Um, Sawyer, love this plan and all, but who is going to drive the submarine? Believe it or not, it's not a skill you can just pick up. Ah well. Meanwhile Claire tried to kill Kate and Sayid just kind of watched soullessly. Smockey bitchslaps his #1 psycho girl, and tells her to stop being crazypants. Then he tells Kate that Claire is too crazy, points out where Sawyer went, and dangles a carrot in front of her that Aaron deserves a sane mother like Kate rather than Claire. This might not work since Claire gives Kate a big old hug, and they seem to reconcile. Whoa that was fast. Unless Claire is just pretending ... or genuinely crazy and will forget about it a few minutes later.

Smockey reveals himself to be the second person on the show with serious mommy issues, the first being Daniel Faraday. Faraday's murderous mom takes the cake so far, can Smockey's crazy mom beat that? We'll have to see. Next week is Richard Alpert's long awaited episode. Can we get a hell yeah?

"LOST" is on ABC Tuesday nights at 9 PM EST.