'Keeping Up With the Kardashians' Recap: All Signs Point North
It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for since this season of KUWTK began: the birth of our future queen and supreme ruler, North West, has arrived. But like her mother’s troublesome pregnancy, little Nori didn’t come into this world easily. She had to make a grand entrance full of fanfare and drama. You got this game in your hands already, baby.
Kim has finally gotten to a place in her pregnancy where she’s able to relax a little bit and prepare for the final five weeks. She and Kourtney sift through piles and piles of beautiful baby clothes and daydream about the fun times they’re going to have setting up the baby on playdates with Mason and Penelope. But it’s just the calm before the storm.
When Khloe’s out driving, she gets a call from Kim, ordering her to remain calm. Obviously, that’s the last thing you tell someone that you want to remain calm, but it’s understandable. After going in for a checkup, the doctor has determined that she has something called toxemia, which is causing her blood pressure to skyrocket and her liver to shut down; the only way to get this to stop is to deliver the baby early.
Now, delivering the baby five weeks early is obviously a scary prospect, but Kim’s life is on the line. Unfortunately, she has Kris accompany her to the hospital, who can’t keep calm in the face of emergency (but who eventually snaps out of it). Luckily, Khloe and Kourtney are there to be rational beacons of support. Poor Kanye was boarding a plane back to LA when he got the news and is racing back in time to see his daughter be born.
Unlike Kourtney, Kim has opted not to have cameras present when she gives birth, so this one small slice of her life remains a mystery to our prying eyes. Khloe has a cell phone camera in her hospital room before delivery though, and Kim sweetly tells the camera/her baby how much she loves her, and how her daddy is going to be there any minute. Everyone can’t shut up about how excited they are, except for Kim, who looks like she’s going to throw up. Who could blame her?
The labor is apparently a success and everything goes off without a hitch. The only problem the family is facing – Kris, mainly – is that since little Nori arrived so early, her nursery isn’t finished at all. Now, normal people would have bought her baby supplies and set up the nursery by now in case of instances like this. But when Kourtney, Scott and Khloe point that out, Kris has one of her mini-freakouts about how she can’t do anything right. You know what? Let her freak out, kids. That baby needs wipes and a functioning crib.
Of course it all works out because Kris has unlimited resources and a gaggle of minions to do her bidding. The nursery gets set up hours before the princess’ arrival. We flash-forward two weeks later to Kim and Khloe talking about the whirlwind experience of having the newborn in their lives, since Kanye refuses to be shown on screen to have this conversation with her instead. According to Kim, labor was “like the easiest thing ever,” and she would recommend pregnancy to everyone, even though she told Khloe before to never get pregnant.
Now that North is here, she’s Kim’s best friend and the horrible pregnancy was worth every pain and moment of suffering. Also, she’s totally not hiding from the media or the public in order to reveal her post-baby body; she just really loves spending time at home with her new little family and doesn’t want to leave them. She’s really considering taking cooking classes or something in all her free time (free time!) because she thinks she should learn how to cook now that she’s a mother.
As it turns out, we probably won’t be seeing her daughter on the show any time soon. Like Kanye isn’t comfortable appearing on camera, he isn’t okay with his baby being a castmember either. New, super-relaxed Kim is really understanding about that, you know?
Now to the best storyline of the show, one far more important than Kim giving birth: the beautiful blossoming friendship between Bruce and Jeff Dunham. As in, the puppet comedian. Jeff made an appearance earlier this season when he wrote Bruce’s painful bit for Jimmy Fallon, but now the two are the best of pals.
As Brandon and Brody point out, their friendship is so tight that it’s bordering on romantic, though. And it’s amazing. The Jenner clan is in Vegas for some function or another and Bruce is dying for them to meet Jeff at dinner. They have a great time, then go see his puppet show while Bruce watches adoringly, and then all go out clubbing. If you’ve ever wanted to see two older white men embarrass themselves in front of younger women, this is the segment for you.
Bruce’s sons tell him to maybe ease up on the friendship just a bit. For instance, making your friend a ceramic penguin at Color Me Mine isn’t normal. They tell him to stop calling so much and play hard to get. But it backfires when Jeff comes around asking why Bruce is ignoring him. He confesses the boys’ concerns and Jeff laughs it off – they’re best friends no matter what the boys think.
- Now that Bruce and Kris have separated, it’s become clear to me that the inclusion of the Jenner boys and Leah this season means E! has been quietly laying the foundation for a Bruce Jenner spinoff. Now that we kind of know Brandon, Leah and Brody better and can care about their lives, do you think they could carry a whole series with Bruce at the lead? The Kardashians (and Kendall and Kylie) would definitely appear, as they haven’t abandoned him.
- The segment with Khloe in Skid Row didn’t work because it was such a blatant set-up for a later episode to talk about her Lamar problems. I think this is potentially one of the reasons the Kards aren’t doing so well in the ratings – people already know what’s going to happen in real life, so they can see it coming from a mile away on the show, filmed months ago. There aren’t any surprises. It’s also highly convenient that they met someone with a crack problem while she’s in the middle of dealing with someone who has one as well, don’t you think?
- Brody: “I hope he’s taking tequila shots because he wants to, and not because he wants to impress his new best friend Jeff.”