whats the funniest joke you've heard lately?

[malingo]

^those are, hilarious

[Xing off the days]

Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories on how they died:
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible.
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from he cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally  died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected  that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to  catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself  in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there  somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.  I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the  basement. Then I went through every closet and checked  under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked every  ere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled  over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ! -- we'd  both still be alive.

Haha!

[Big_Girl]

There was a blonde a brunet and a red head. they being chased by the cops and they ran into a market. when they got there the brunet jumped into a dog cage the red head jumped into the cat cage and the blonde jumped into a sack of potatoes. when the cops came in they kicked the dog cage and the brunet said woof woof woof. then they kicked the cat cage and the red head said meow meow meow. then the cops kicked the sack of potatoes and the blonde said potatoe potatoe potatoe.

[amy davidson's number 1 fan]

thats easy none lately cuz every1 is cheezy n not funny

[ZiggyBoogyDook]

whats the difference between a pile of babies, and a pile of sand?




you cant move a pile of sand with a pitchfork

[Hobbes]

Young Girl: Daddy?
Dad: Yes what's wrong?
Young Girl: When cats die why do they have their legs sticking up in the air?
Dad: Well that's so Jesus can pull them up to heaven.
Young: Oh that's what Mummy was doing!  I heard sounds from her room and she had her legs stuck in the air and was saying 'Jesus, Jesus, I'm coming!' and if it wasn't for the postman holding her down Jesus would of taken her!

XD

[cobralicious]

There was a blonde a brunet and a red head. they being chased by the cops and they ran into a market. when they got there the brunet jumped into a dog cage the red head jumped into the cat cage and the blonde jumped into a sack of potatoes. when the cops came in they kicked the dog cage and the brunet said woof woof woof. then they kicked the cat cage and the red head said meow meow meow. then the cops kicked the sack of potatoes and the blonde said potatoe potatoe potatoe.

  .

[Hedpe]

there was a man walking down the street with his girlfriend and they went to cross the road but a car ran over the man's girlfriend. so he cried but lived on. he then got a new girlfriend. they went to the shops one day and an orange went flying through the air and hit the girls head. she died. the man weeped for hours and then the next day he got a new girlfriend. they spent many evenings together. they were very happy. then she ditched him and he died as a result of that. when he reached heaven he saw 2 angels at the gates. they were his previous girlfriends. they both looked at him and said, "we've been talking about you and we think you deserve to die. you cheated on us. we were not dead but when we found out you had another girlfriend we died. so burn"
  this joke cracks me up everytime

[A-stherror]

> What an experience!
> There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this
> little girl comes up to him, so he covers his private parts
with
> a newspaper.
> The little girl says, "What's under there?"
> So the man answers, "A bird."
> The girl goes away and the man falls asleep. When he wakes up; he is
> in a hospital and in great pain.
> A doctor comes up to his bed and asks, "What happened?"
> The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach and I fell asleep
> after talking to a little girl."
> So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to
> find any witnesses.
> When they get there, they see the little girl the man was talking
> about.
> So they ask her if she did anything to the man.
> She answers, "I didn't do anything to the man, but while he was
> sleeping, I played with his bird. After a while, it spit at me, so I
> broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed all its eggs.
>
>

[p.hanson]

Definition of a hippie: Jack that looks like a Jill and smells like a John.

If you have more cars in your backyard than you have IQ points, you might be a redneck.

If your best set of bowls all say "CoolWhip" on them, You might be a redneck.

You say tomato, and I say "bowling shoes!"
               
           

[thlo5+squinjeiy]

Question: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the dirt and cross the road again?

Answer: He was a dirty double crosser

 

[~Tears Are Falling ~]

idk...i cant rememeber....
hehheheh!!!!
n i cant seem to stop laughing...everything seems really funni hehheheheheheheheh!!!!!!!
wooooooooo booooooo beeee doooooooopp bo....
hehehehe