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Topic: whats the funniest joke you've heard lately? (Read 75596 times)
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unclejamima
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i love to hear and try to repeat good jokes!
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"mywife, you know, the pancake lady"
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pepcdeb
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My Motto- Post as you see fit.
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jab
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A man walks into a butchers and asks the butcher "where's your butcher boy?" and the butcher says "i sacked him" the man asks "why" the butcher replys with "because he kept sticking his d!ck in the bacon slicer," the man then says "well what did you do with your bacon slicer?" the butcher then says "i sacked her aswell."  knock knock joke:'knock knock' 'who's there?' 'bigish' 'bigish who' 'not today thanks'  (you'll only understand it if you're british). |
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 The WIPE-OUT GANG buys, owns & operates the Insanity Factory |
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accha_larki
Guest
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Top Nine Comments by Sports Commentators
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I
saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak
from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my
mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some
deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we
can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of
the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian @#$@ is everywhere. It's like
they've got eleven @#$@ on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well
is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"
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accha_larki
Guest
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I think that you may get a chuckle out of this one:
A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets
on the plane she sits in first class. The steward who checks tickets says,
"I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class." "I can
do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde."
Well I'll get the pilot. The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and
she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says," What did you say?" The pilot
simply says," I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!"
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pepcdeb
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I messed up my own joke. I went bowling the other day. I bowled three hundred and one. and then you say "three hundred is a perfect game" and i say i know " i bowled three hundred and won. |
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My Motto- Post as you see fit.
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JOE THE FOX
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unclejammima you know all mine already but thoughs jokes you told the other nite that required thinking you should lay off thoughs till were sober! |
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Bat Dad knows no Fear! Bat Dad knows no Pain! I Want you Marsh!
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Jake
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. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had nothing
to play with.
2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home."
I went over. Nobody was home.
3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other
night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I
said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you
came home early."
5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a
button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm
afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept
covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me
that she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with
his wallet.
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my
father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
11. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my
finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find
my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said,"
I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big
I'd get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I
look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He
said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite
in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19.Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a
pyramid. His favourite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper
four times - three of those times I was reading it.
20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.
21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the
electric chair.
Rodney's is just so depressing to read sometimes but rather drole,
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That's fantaastic george.Very fantasticl.mmf.
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snickers
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jake's post is funny, so its that.
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Your powers are weak, old man. [/size] [/b] |
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faulkfan111888
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lol good jokes jake, heard lots of em tho I messed up my own joke. I went bowling the other day. I bowled three hundred and one. and then you say "three hundred is a perfect game" and i say i know " i bowled three hundred and won. that joke isnt even correct, a perfect game is 450! |
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faulkfan111888
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it could be, prolly considering my gym teachers are stupid pplz. heres a quote tho "The object of the game of five pin bowling is to score as many points as possible by knocking down the five pins. A perfect game consists of 12 consecutive strikes for a score of 450 ... a lifetime challenge for many bowlers" and the site is http://www.mfpbf.org/the_game.htm |
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SaveAHorseRideME
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This is a weird joke that a friend told me..
"100 lesbians were on a stranded boat, they only found 99.... HI!!"
Lol. Kinda weird, I know. But it will crack a smile.
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Zieg Heil to the president gas, man, Bombs away is your punishment, Pulverize the Eiffel towers, Who criticize your government, Bang Bang goes the broken glass, man, Kill all the #@#%$ that don't agree, Trials by fire setting fire, Is not a way that's meant for me.
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Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 36 
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