We began the new season of Dancing With The Stars with a hilarious-ish montage of people falling down. When I’m on "Dancing With The Stars" my contract will stipulate that no footage of me falling on my ass can be shown. I’m putting my money on two shows before someone trips or faints or hits a cameraman with a shoe.

Ah, the professional dancers are on stage giving us a sneak preview of every hour-long results show we’ll be seeing from now until May. I forgot that watching this show makes me wish I was a dancer. Then I remember I can’t walk in a straight line without tripping so dancing is probably out of the question. Following the dancers we get to meet the stars. I’m calling out Shannon Elizabeth as my favorite, but this will most likely change. Oh, and we get to see Priscilla Presley, who seems really happy, or sad, or nervous, I can’t really tell.

Penn Jillette and Kym - The Cha Cha Cha

At first I was worried for Kym, but Penn is really funny and that can carry him for a few rounds in the competition. Penn has great stage presence but is not really big on the footwork. Len points this out as do Bruno and Carrie Ann. Remember that dance war Carrie Ann and Bruno had? Yeah, I try not to think about it either.

The Score:
Carrie Ann- 5
Len- 6
Bruno- 5
Total of 16

Jason Taylor and Edyta - Fox Trot

Jason has the advantage of being an athlete, so we shall see how well he does. He moves surprisingly gracefully for a man of his size. The judges really seem to like him. His character needs a little work, but his technique is already well ahead of his fellow contestants. Have I mentioned we’ve got exclusive interviews with Jason Taylor after each show?

Carrie Ann-7
Len- 8
Total of 22

Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl - The Cha Cha Cha

We’ve got our resident Latin heartthrob, like Mario Lopez but with acting talent. Carrie Ann loves him already, mostly because he’s dreamy. Bruno makes a joke about banging, which Tom Bergeron points out is dirty. Tom Bergeron is sometimes the best part of this show. Cristian has to work on his posture, though.

Carrie Ann- 7
Len- 7
Bruno- 7
Total of 21

Adam Corolla and Julianne - The Fox Trot

Julianne drew the short straw. Granted, I love Adam in "Drawn Together," but something tells me dancing is not his strong suit. He's another funny man who talks way too much, which drives Julianne insane. Ok, can I change my favorite to Adam? Oh, and they’re dancing in yellow costumes to "Mellow Yellow." I shouldn’t find that adorable, but I do. Bruno is a bit harsh because Adam did really well, I think. Len at least compliments his footwork. Carrie Ann is pretty up and down.

Carrie Ann- 5
Len- 5
Bruno- 5
Total of 15

Mario and Karina - The Cha Cha Cha

The youngest competitor in the competition, and it looks like he has a bit of a crush on Karina. We officially have drama. Karina needed surgery on her neck and is still in recovery. Will this affect their chances? We shall see. You can tell they’re both young because this dance has some serious energy in it. I think I’m justified in calling this one of the sexiest shows on television. He’s got some issues with his footwork, but the judges are calling him a great dancer.

Carrie Ann- 8
Len- 8
Bruno- 8
Total of 24

Steve Guttenberg and Anna - The Fox Trot

Steve really wants to be here, so he has that working for him. I like when the stars are actually fans of the show, and really it isn’t like Steve is up to anything too important. If he asks for any of the dancers’ autographs I’m voting for him. The judges are all about his heart and soul and Bruno brought up the father of Miley Cyrus. So he’s got character over technique, but he is really into it, so I’m giving him props.

Carrie Ann- 6
Len- 6
Bruno- 6
Total of 18

Tuesday night we’ve got the women. I promise no botox jokes, well maybe one. Keep your browser on Starpulse for continuing coverage of what promises to be an exciting competition.

What did you think of the season's first episode? Make a comment!

Read our exclusive pre-show interview with Jason Taylor!

Recap by Dan Chruscinski
Starpulse contributing writer