Let's start this out right with the pseudo-celebrity I most abhor: Taylor Momsen. Some celebs are fun to rag on because they're so ridiculous that you can help but love them, kind of like puppies on Xanax (read: Lindsay Lohan, Amy Winehouse). Then there's the ones who are so vapid they just suck the life out of you and it pains you that they're probably making more in a year than you will in your life. That's where the girls like Taylor comes in.
This time, she's strutting around the Warped Tour stage with her hooch hanging out like she ISN'T jailbait. Too bad she is, and will be, for a long time. Then there's the fact that she's lighting up during her performance even though she can't legally do so for another two years. She probably thinks it'll get her exposure and up her cool-factor but the only words that come to my mind are desperate and pathetic. Sorry Taylor, lung cancer just isn't cool.
Take a look for yourself. I can't repeat this enough: She's 16!! There's absolutely no reason for this outfit. Being edgy doesn't mean borderline child pornography. Sure, she wants to express herself, but what is she trying to say? My vagina is suffocating and needs fresh air? I'm considering joining a nudist colony and am currently in transition? These could be reasons, but the world may never know, since she's too busy being too bored during interviews to give anyone a straight answer that doesn't not-so-subtly hint that she's been beyond jaded by the age of eight. My favorite is her take on kids her own age. In her Teen Vogue interview she said, “I can't relate to what high school kids talk about, it's so petty.” Taylor, we know you may think it's cool to be jaded, you're laying it on a bit thick. She's not famous enough for anyone to care that she's being passe, we all know “Gossip Girl” is on it's way out already. And at the end of the day, who's raking in the big bucks, Miley, or old raccoon-eyes? No need to answer that one.
She started out as cute little Cindy-Lou Who from the How The Grinch Stole Christmas and clean-as-a-whistle Jenny Humphrey on “Gossip Girl”, and I was cool with that. Then she had to go all crackoon heroin-chic on me with that disgusting make up. Does she have eyes? Because I can't tell if maybe she got them gouged out and is trying to cover up the horrific accident with all the soot she cakes on her face.And if you hadn't heard, she's also in a band called Pretty Reckless. Ironically sinister, with a hint of pop-grunge snobbery. Perfect. They're got kind of a catchy vibe, but their single “Make Me Wanna Die” pretty much sums up my feelings for her in a nutshell. Oh yeah, don't forget her I-don't-give-a-shit attitude extends all the way to Haiti. When asked about the 7.0 earth quake that hit the poverty-stricken island, she flippantly replied “Oh, I'm just working on my album, so I'm not really thinking about that right now.” What a nice girl.
And since when is ok for 16-year-olds to prance around in nightgowns? Ok, maybe Miley likes to go pantless, but this girl is taking it to a whole new level. Forget eyes, does this girl have parents? I've officially changed her name to Taylor Mom-less. Who knows what she'll be up to next. Yeesh.