A big bank account doesn't equal big romance, and Bravo's "Millionaire Matchmaker" makes that perfectly clear. The show centers on Patti Stanger, the founder of the dating service Millionaire's Club based in Los Angeles. Patti is a modern-day matchmaker who helps wealthy men find their future wives.

Sound archaic? Perhaps, but for those who need help in the love department, it's a way to meet potential matches in a safe environment. The club currently has 10,000 women "available" to its members. It is free to females only, and each one is screened before she is introduced to a millionaire. The men are screened as well to ensure they really are worth millions.

If you're a woman who wants to join the club, be warned. Patti is tough and will tell you if you look trashy, need to de-frump or should get hair extensions. She told one group of women that men don't like short or curly hair. They want something they can run their fingers through. The women must also show off their assets. If you have a nice body, flaunt it. Don't dress like you just left work.

There are rules. A recent episode featured a millionaire named Lonnie who is a close friend of Ashton Kutcher's and co-owner of a slew of restaurants and nightclubs in Hollywood. Patti told Lonnie that sex on the first date is strictly forbidden. Until one is in a monogamous relationship, sex is not allowed. Translation: you have sex and your contract is void. No money back.

Patti seems to genuinely want to make matches and is aggravated when her clients don't follow instructions. She coaches the millionaires and the ladies to make them more attractive, both inside and out. It seems like she's tougher with the women, but then again, her salary comes from the men so you do the math. If Patti tells a woman to show a little leg when she meets a man, she has her best interest in mind (after the man's, of course).

This process certainly isn't elevating the women's liberation movement. Then again, posting your profile on eHarmony and advertising your wares online isn't much different, is it? At least with the Millionaire's Club you know the men can support themselves.

One of the most entertaining things about the show is watching the millionaires struggle on their dates. The aforementioned 33-year-old Lonnie is a player, and you wonder why he joined the club in the first place. It's obvious all he wants is to have sex with large breasted women. He doesn't want a relationship. Despite coaching from a relationship professional, Lonnie screws up his date by answering his cell phone, tending to business matters, and inviting friends to join them. We later learn he is dropped from the club. Maybe the no sex rule was too difficult for him.

It must make the everyman feel better knowing that those with padded pockets have just as difficult a time finding romance as they do. This show proves the adage that money can't buy happiness. But it can buy your way into the Millionaire's Club to meet an assortment of long haired women (no curls, of course).

Story by Noelle Talmon
Starpulse.com contributing writer