Most Disorganized Group

Goes to Those Girls and That Guy who wandered around stage like they were all drunk while Alisha (the cop) sort of strutted around upstaging everyone like the ham she is. They all got voted out. At least Alisha tried to stay by offering herself as personal security.

Cliffhanger Award

Goes to Imani, who continued this season’s trend of passing out contestants by passing out twice before performing. The whole song we were all hanging on wondering if she would make it a third and after some poor singing, she did indeed go down, sending everyone into a frenzy. It was all worth it though, because she moved on. Wait. No she didn’t. None of it was worth it.

How Are These Guys Award

Goes to the All Male Group MIT for acting like 14-year-old girls fighting over the kid in class with the faux hawk that everyone has a crush on. I’m not sure what caused their rift, but it was pretty fun watching their cat fight.

Delusion of Grandeur Award

Goes to Cowboy Richie who referenced something that happened in the round of 200 on a karaoke competition by saying, “That’s Showbiz.” No, Richie. You are not in showbiz yet. I’m sorry to burst your bubble.

Biggest Liar Award

Goes to Ryan Seacrest for telling us that the contestants would receive no judgment on their individual performances. Then every single contestant was judged immediately, including standing ovations, and “That just wasn’t good enough”s. Were they really unclear on whether or not they were staying?

Sexiest Voice Award

Goes to Jen Hirsch, whose sultry pipes put Jessica Rabbit to shame. This is the scene in the movie when the camera just fixates on a guy with a cigarette hanging out of his dropped jaw as the siren onstage just tears his soul out as the shadows close in. Very cool vintage stuff.

Dock Ellis Award

Goes to Reid for clearly doing his performance and rehearsal on acid. I don’t how else to explain anything about him. Oddly enough, he was a very good singer with a cool jazz voice. Hey, Dock did throw a no-hitter on acid.

Most Unecessary Argument Award

Goes to the girl who yelled at the other girl for belching while they were awaiting their fates in one of the four rooms. “Show a little respect for some of us who are worried!” This is a prime example of somebody deciding that they want to be angry with someone and following through. Luckily, they all went home.

Molly Dewolf Swenson Award

Goes to Heejun Han, who is my clear favorite contestant right now. It’s odd to meet someone more self-deprecating than me. It’s also odd to see that person become intensely hostile and cynical for seemingly no reason whatsoever. I can’t wait to see what he has during the Vegas round.

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