A Chelsea Clinton Story
With Chelsea Clinton getting married this weekend, we felt it topical to share our only firsthand account of being in the presence of Ms. Clinton.
Back in the winter of 2006 we had just walked into Von on Bleecker Street. As we said hello to friends who were already there, we immediately overheard others in the bar trying to quietly boast to their friends that Chelsea Clinton was in the back on the bar.
"Meh..." was our initial reaction to hearing of the possibility of Clinton being there.
Then we wondered about what Ms. Clinton looked like in person and decided that should she actually be there we needed to see how she looked. After all, she was that awkward girl who happened to be the daughter of the President who made all of the non-famous awkward girls in our junior high appear to be beautiful. We had to see if what we saw on television was nothing but a camera trick, similar to Ana Gasteyer -- whom we think looks gorgeous in real life but across awkward on television for some odd reason -- but we weren't about to race around the bar to see if Ms. Clinton was in fact even there.
After a glass of wine we decided to use the restroom and scope out the land for Ms. Clinton. As we walked through the bar and to the restroom we overheard several more people talking about how Chelsea Clinton was "right over there" as they nonchalantly pointed to the back left corner of the bar, directly next to the bathroom. We looked and sure enough Ms. Clinton was there.
Not only was she there, but she was devouring her male friend's face. She was in what we can only describe as an aggressive make-out session and appeared to be the aggressor of the situation. There was definitely a tongue battle going on and hands were being called up on both sides as part of a re-enforcement plan of attack so that places where tongues shouldn't be seen touching in public could be touched.
After realizing what was before our eyes, we realized that couldn't stand and wait for the restroom directly in front of the Clinton/anonymous dude make-out session, so we moseyed on over to the second restroom in the side room of Von. After we finished in the head and while walking back through the bar we couldn't help but notice once again the tongue lashing that Ms. Clinton was giving her company and that they appeared to be in dire need of a bedroom.
"Dude! Chelsea Clinton is totally all over a guy in the back of the bar. She's propped up on her knees for a better angle to make-out with the guy!" We said anxiously like a little gossip queen.
"Let's go in the back, snap some photos and sell them to the Post." We said in jest, which then caught the ears of two larger men who weren't drinking at the bar and caused them to give us the evil eye. While we cannot confirm for certain, they appeared to be her personal security team and based off of the looks that they had on their face, they had never heard of the term sarcasm before.
In the end though, Ms. Clinton certainly wasn't the worst looking gal in the bar, but she certainly wasn't the one to catch eyes for being the hottest in the bar either. That awkward looking junior high kid turned out to land in the middle of the pack when it came to looks after all -- good for her.