Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide Episode Guides
New Semester; Electives
Ned decides that he wants a kiss from Suzie Crabgrass and the only way he can get that is if she breaks up with Loomer. To this end, Ned seeks Moze's assistance. Cookie tries to establish the new identity of "P Cookie". Ned, Moze and Cookie all try to pick up a shared elective class.
Procrastination; Your Body
Ned tries to build up his strength after failing to do pullups in gym class. Moze has a hard time dealing with her height. Ned has three weeks to complete a large project but puts it off until three days before.
Science Fair; Study Hall
Ned, with Moze's help, tries to disprove Sweeney's scientific theory that Ned can never win a ribbon. Cookie tries to win Vanessa back by showing her grandmother what a great student he is. While Ned actually uses study hall to "study" for an important test, Cookie tries to sneak out to meet Vanessa and Moze must use the time to wear an embarrassing traction harness from a volleyball injury.
Substitute Teachers; The New Kid
Ned finds that a favorite substitute teacher isn't as well liked as he used to be and Ned vows to help him out. Moze helps abuse substitutes while Cookie actually acts as one. Ned helps a new girl adjust to Polk, but she confuses his helpful nature for something else.
School Clubs; Video Project
While Ned and Cookie team up on a video project, Moze decides to document the life of Mr. Wright. Cookie starts his own club even as Moze and Suzie vie for the top of all the school clubs. Ned fights against Missy's rip-off school survival club.
Ned learns that a perfect notebook is important to passing Sweeney's test. When Moze loses her own notebook, she stumbles upon another notebook full of school secrets. Ned decides to create a math study group so that he can pass the class. Moze develops math anxiety and Cookie finds 8th Grade Math isn't all he hoped it would be.
Yearbook; Career Week
Ned tries to win "Best Smile" in order to be next to Suzie Crabgrass in the yearbook forever. Cookie tries hacks into the yearbook and makes some changes. Vice Principal Crubbs wants Ned to pursue a career in education, but Ned isn't interested. Cookie decides he wants to be a sports agent and signs Moze as his client.
Pep Rallies; Lunch
Ned finds himself in the role of school mascot. Moze has problems discerning why Suzie won't share a lunch table.
Class Clown; Music Class
Ned and Cookie try to survive the boredom and tedium of learning an instrument in Music Instruction class while Moze gets Mozart music stuck in her head in Music Appreciation and can't get it out. When the Class Clown moves to Cleveland, Ned, Cookie, and Moze do an all out search for a new clown before things get to depressing at Polk.
Dares; Bad Habits
The school is overrun by dares. Ned gets dared to ask out Missy Meaney and she agrees. Ned dares Moze to wear a dress. Cookie challenges Loomer to the title of King of Dares. The school confronts bad habits and as it turns out Ned's is that he can't say "no".
Cookie tries to help Ned and Moze rid the Oboe Twins of their shyness by holding a seminar in an effort to get Ned a girlfriend and Moze a best friend. Ned feels left out when it appears that everyone else has a cool nickname. Meanwhile, Moze tries to get rid of her nickname. Cookie's nickname generator helps Loomer with his nickname slump.
Valentine's Day; School Websites
Ned walks people through Valentine's Day at school. Cookie tries to make himself the Number One school hottie by sending himself a lot of roses anonymously. Ned has a hard time composing the ultimate Valentine for Suzie Crabgrass. Moze ends up with a winning rose count, but has to bail Cookie out. Ned sets up a school webcam even as Scoop makes girl volleyball the hottest ticket in school.
Spirit Week; Clothes
Ned gets in a battle with Martin Qwerly for Spirit Week King. Cookie and Moze get stuck with the spirit stick and can't let it touch the ground all week. Ned and Moze get tickets from Missy's newly formed fashion police. Cookie creates a school uniform.
Ned is warned that he must ace all his final exams or he might stay back a grade. Moze gets her first "F" ever and panics while Cookie tries to fail tests on purpose to avoid advancing to High School. Ned has to find a tutor in order to avoid summer school. Moze gets into some tutor trouble by having a bunch of sixth graders fall in love with her. Cookie is paired up with the nastiest "tooter" of all for his final Social Studies project.
Vice Principals; Mondays
The Vice Principal tries to figure out who smashed school equipment and his initial suspicions land on Ned and Cookie, but he makes his way through the student population after them. Ned talks about coping with Mondays.
April Fools Day; Excuses
The Vice Principle Crubbs has an April Fools field day. Moze feels like she doesn't have anything in common with Seth. She tries to break up with him, but he thinks it's an April Fools Day joke. Ned extols the virtues of a good excuse, but then no one believes him when a dog really eats his homework.
Double Dating; The Last Day
For the final dance of the school year, Ned and Suzie double date with Moze and hunk Jock Bitterman. Cookie meanwhile takes Lisa and Vanessa to the dance and must keep them separated. Ned and Moze try to figure the best way to tell Suzie about "the kiss". Cookie, cleaning out his locker, accidentally unleashes his tunnel-battle-bot that goes crazy in the halls.
Asking Someone Out: Recycling
Ned decides to ask out Suzie Crabgrass after she breaks up with Billy. Cookie tries to hook up Gordy. Ned and his friends try to attain more recyclables than each other and win a new bicycle.
Gross Biology Dissection; Upper Classmen
Ned debates the ethical issues behind dissection when Moze is psyched about it and Suzie feels it's wrong. Ned has a hard time dealing with some upper classmen.
School Car Wash; Secrets
Ned and Cookie see Loomer kissing Missy. So they have to keep this a secret or else.... Meanwhile, Loomer's friend tries to tell everyone that he is in the sewing club. The boys and the girls compete in the school fundraiser to see who can wash more cars. The boys team wants a hot tub, but the girls want to use the money more wisely.
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