Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide Episode Guides
Ned and Moze pretend to date in order to get a jealous Missy out of Ned's hair, meanwhile Cookie pretends he has a girlfriend to make Lisa jealous. Ned gets an itch he can't scratch, Moze steals the gross CPR doll so she can clean it up and Cookie thinks Moze threw Faymen out of a window.
New Grade; Dodgeball
Ned accidentally becomes the new class bully, while Moze deals with a not-so-friendly new English Teacher. Cookie tries to get to know the new no-braces, non-sniffling Lisa Zemo. Ned must battle the dark side, Loomer and his 'secret weapon' in a dodgeball game, and he must do it without Moze, the best player in school.
Spring Fever; School Newspaper
Ned gets spring fever and tries to break out of school. Moze goes crazy with spring cleaning and Cookie has to spend the day with boogery Lisa Zemo. Ned and Moze try to get a juicy news story, as they investigate a school scandal and Cookie starts up a horoscope column.
Tests; When You Like Someone Who Is Going Out With Someone Else
Ned has three big tests on the same day, but Moze has a different one in mind: she tests him and Faymen to see which is the better boyfriend. Cookie figures out how to get Lisa to himself and Moze figures out who she likes best.
Money / Parties
Ned is trying to cheer up a new kid who is down. Ned tries talking to him, but soon his thoughts become negative as well. Ned tries Martin Qwerly, he also becomes negative. Dr. Xavier tells Ned that, positive times negative equals negative and negative times negative equals positive. Meanwhile, Moze is trying to kiss Faymen, she wants it to feel romantic, but every time she does it nothing happens. Dr. Xavier and the rest of the math class help her to make a romantic book scene with Fabio watching but it doesn't work. Mr. Sweeney teaches the class about static electricity. Ned puts another unhappy girl with the unhappy new boy and they become happy and fall in love. In the Parties episode, Ned, Cookie, and Moze attend "Seth's Basement Bash".
Revenge; School Records
When Ned gets revenge on Loomer, Martin notices and gives him names like "The Revenger." All the kids start to ask him to get revenge for them. A girl named Stacey wants revenge on Moze and the Wolf volleyball team. Ned wants to beat the hallway speed record, he runs into Crubbs. Crubbs marks Ned's permanent record. Cookie loses his perfect attendance award. Moze tries to beat the school record for the most school records in sports.
Ned goes through a phase when Suzie moves away. The guys try and get him back to normal, so he can continue his guide. Meanwhile, Moze starts a class to help girls with understanding guys. Ned has a hard time writing more tips when he realizes he has no tips about girls. So he asks Moze to take over for some tips. Cookie dresses up as a girl to find out what Liza Zemo likes in a guy.
Art Class; Lost & Found
Art class is in debt, and so the course is going to be canceled. To save it, they have an art show to raise money. Ned makes a Orange Naked Lady painting by mistake. Cookie hires a bunch of 6th Graders to make pots for him for Christmas presents. Moze takes pictures of people without them knowing an exposes many disturbing facts. Ned discovers a pair of shoes in the lost and found box, and attempts to make sure no one claims them before the end of the day, so they will become his. Moze tries to stop him, and so he needs to figure out a way to make her quit. Cookie loses an MP3 player with a very embarrassing file on it, and needs to get it back before the entire school hears it.
Getting Organized; Extra Credit
Ned's locker is a mess, and his brain is too! With the help of Mr. Sweeney, he needs to get organized. Moze and Cookie's favorite snack has been replaced by Powdered Mini Donuts in the vending machine, and they need to work together to get their favorite snack back. Ned needs to get at least a B- or his mom will get really mad at him. Unfortunately, his average is a C+ in all classes. When asking his teachers how to bump his grade up, they all say the same thing: Extra Credit. Now he needs to complete four Extra Credit Assignments in just a few days. Meanwhile, Moze wants her mark bumped up to an A+, so she designs a very large Volcano and Cookie gets a Credit card that is to be used for emergencies, but he uses it for general purposes.
Social Studies; Embarrasssment
Ned and friends social studies teacher assigns a group project. The two winners get to on to the Capital for an entire weekend. Cookie wants to work with Lisa, but is assigned with his arch rival, Evelyn. Ned and Moze work together, but Ned is so busy with Susie that he blows off Moze, who in turn becomes jealous. Meanwhile, Mr. Wright needs to get enough courage to get Principal Pal out of the Principal's office, for Pal is supposed to be retiring. But he does not leave. Ned farts in class and is completely embarrassed. He needs to keep from being embarrassed for the rest of the day so Susie wont think he is gross. Moze hurts herself playing volleyball, and is trying to impress a new kid. But she keeps embarrassing herself.
The Bus; Bad Hair Days
Ned needs to get to school as quickly as possible to get a love note he left for Susie that could ruin their relationship. Moze tries to get the new kid to sit with her, but Martin is making it difficult for her. Meanwhile, Cookie misses the bus and needs to find a way to get to school or his perfect no tardy record will be no more. Ned needs to sneak over to the high school to get a free haircut so he will have enough money to take Susie out on a date. Moze tries many different hair styles to try and get the new kid to like her. Finally, Cookie attempts to get Lisa to notice his very, very tiny mustache.
Hallway; Friends Moving
Ned becomes Hall Monitor, Moze tries to spend time with Faymen and Cookie creates a Hallway Traffic Report. Ned and Moze find out Faymen is moving away and help him stay, meanwhile Cookie lies to everyone by saying that he's moving away.
To FIeld Trips, Permission Slips, Signs and Weasels
While on a field trip, Ned chases love, dodges a vice principal and thwarts a band of art thieves.
Cell Phones; Woodshop
Suzie and Ned try to keep their long-distance relationship, by talking in between classes. Moze gets a new phone she has no clue how to use. Cookie wears a jacket covered in 33 cellphones in attempt to win a Mustang Convertible from a local radio station. Ned and Cookie blow up the art room, and have to switch to woodshop. Moze is entering a woodshop competition. Ned keeps overhearing Moze and thinks she is talking about her feelings for him. Cookie is on the run from a killer saw named "Christine".
Making New Friends / Positives & Negatives
Ned tries to be friends with Faymen, Moze wants a friend to go shopping with and Cookie befriends the Weasel.
Ned and Cookie decide to raise money for the school. Cookie wants to enter a dance contest with Lisa.
Ned volunteers at a retirement home: Moze needs a book in order to finish her report.
Dismissal; School Plays
Suzie moves into Ned's locker, Moze has to go to the bathroom and Cookie accidentally kisses Evelyn. Ned tries to stop Suzie from kissing another boy, Moze tries to stop Ned from ruining the play and Cookie tries anything to get on stage.
Someone has made a list of the most popular kids at school. Ned tries to talk to Susie, even though he is not in the top ten. Cookie hunts down the list's maker to convince him to make Cookie popular. Lastly, Moze finds out she's one of Polk's top ten most popular kids, but still wants to hang out with her old friends. Ned is stressed because he thinks Suzie has a new boyfriend and wants to break up with him. Cookie is stressed because his arch rival, Evalin beat him on a test, and Moze is stressed about becoming her English teacher when she grows up.
Ned tries ways to avoid his reading assignments, and Moze starts a girls-only book club that Cookie wants to be in. Principal Pal is retiring. It's up to Ned, Moze and Cookie to find a new replacement.
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