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An abysmal mess of an attempt to recapture the absurdist glory of such episodic satires as Kentucky Fried Movie and Amazon Women on the Moon, The Onion Movie is a comedy endurance test for anyone but the most devoted fans of the parody newspaper that spawned it. Even those fans will likely find it difficult to fend off sleep while being assaulted with a relentless barrage of jokes without punchlines, gags stretched out beyond the breaking point, and, worst of all, sketches that were simply aborted mid-stream. The main problem is that the filmmakers weren't able to make up their minds whether they wanted a rapid-fire, stream-of-conscious comedy on the level of the aforementioned satires (as evidenced by the segmented nature of most jokes) or an actual plot-driven film (as evidenced by the ongoing feud between straight-faced Onion News anchor Norm Archer and the network bigwigs who have sold out their integrity to their new parent company, an all-powerful global conglomerate more interested in pushing their latest project, an action movie entitled "Cockpuncher," than delivering the news). But while some sketches are indeed memorable, including a bit about an armed gunman who bursts into a bank demanding a job and an athlete that refuses to give up his dreams despite unheard of setbacks, the fifteen minutes of The Onion Movie that are worth actually watching are buried in another sixty minutes of absolute drudgery. Of course the fact that The Onion Movie is a epic misfire will come as no surprise to those who have followed the film's tumultuous production history, but while the actual newspaper can fluctuate in quality from hysterically funny to simply chuckle-worthy, this is undoubtedly the nadir of -The Onion legacy. Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide