Christmas is a time to say I love you. So... I love all of you so much! Thanks for hanging with me for another year!
Wednesday 24th of December 2014 11:24:52 PM
"I thought they smelled bad... on the OUTside!" The Empire has most definitely struck Sheck.
Tuesday 23rd of December 2014 01:29:54 PM
THAT DAMN TWEET
July 9th, 2009. I’d been on Twitter for a little over a year or so at that point and one of my favorite things to do was write sex Tweets about (and to) my wife, @JenSchwalbach. Go back and read Tweets from that era: lots of talk of ass-eating and whatnot. And what fueled my sex tweets were how much my wife HATED them.
“That’s so embarrassing,” she’d say. “How would you like it if I Tweeted shit like that about YOU?”
“I would love it,” I told her. “Oh my God, that would rock.”
“I bet I can Tweet dirty shit you’ll hate,” came the fateful words.
“No WAY,” replied I, very confident in my unflappability. “I've written some of the dirtiest movies without sex or nudity ever made.”
“Then give me your laptop,” Jen demanded.
“So I can Tweet something dirty from your account and show you how it feels.”
“You can Tweet the worst thing you can dream up. You can even get help, if you want,” I laughed. “But nothing you ever write will ever bug me.”
So she did. She consulted some friends and came up with a Tweet that she felt was the worst she had to offer and Tweeted it as me, from my account, with the caveat that I could never take it down. This is the Tweet you see above.
The first thing I ever said about the ridiculous Tweet that would come to haunt me was that nobody would believe the Tweet came from me because pwn was misspelled - and as a longtime denizen of the internet, I’d know how to spell it. If you can believe it, THAT was my only complaint. Other than that, I told my wife, that Tweet didn’t embarrass me at all and never would.
That was five years ago. Since then, not a week goes by… not a WEEK… without someone re-Tweeting that filthy 140 characters back to me and asking how I could write something so horrible and disgusting. The amount of online mockery I’ve been at the receiving end of due to that Tweet is immeasurable. People tell me to delete it all the time, but I can’t: I gave my word to the author of that disturbed little teaching-moment Tweet. Now, any time I complain about someone Re-Tweeting that shit at me, she says “That’s what you get for talking about eating my ass on Twitter, you little pig.”
It’s not a great story, but it's something of a morality tale. I certainly stopped sex-Tweeting my wife after that. Lesson learned. It absolutely BLOWS being hoisted on your own puerile petard.
Or, as I should say in honor of my good lady wife...
It does not “pown”.
Tuesday 23rd of December 2014 12:14:43 PM
SEE ME & TUSK AND ASK "WHAT THE FUCK?!?"
On Sunday January 18th, we're screening Tusk in beautiful RED BANK, NJ - and I'll be answering for my crimes in a Q&A after both shows! Tickets available here: <a href="http://seesmod.com/TuskYes/" target="_blank">http://seesmod.com/TuskYes/</a>
Ticket price includes a signed DVD or BluRay copy of the flick and a "Tusk Day" Minimate toy! And while you're in town, stop by Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash and say hi to Mr. Tusk!
Monday 22nd of December 2014 03:47:12 PM
Daniel was a complex fellow, filled with contradictory emotions...
Monday 22nd of December 2014 02:58:29 PM
The Defiant Ones...
Sunday 21st of December 2014 03:23:33 PM
We wrap YOGA HOSERS right after Christmas. This monstrous mitt (by Bob Kurtzman's Creature Corps) plays a part. The hand will be holding a weapon, not jerking off. It's my 2nd giant rubber fist! (In my career, not ass.)
Friday 19th of December 2014 02:20:26 PM
SPEND 2 MINUTES IN MY BOX AND BE SATISFIED!
See me give love to the coaches of both the Chicago Blackhawks and the Washington Capitals in my first 2 minute recap for the excellent Epix HD hockey series ROAD TO THE NHL WINTER CLASSIC: <a href="http://epx.ms/1wTBWPq" target="_blank">http://epx.ms/1wTBWPq</a>
Kevin Smith's Penalty Box -- Episode 1 | EPIX
Kevin Smith recaps episode one of EPIX Presents Road To The NHL Winter Classic in this week's Penalty Box. EPIX Presents Road To The NHL Winter Classic is no...
Friday 19th of December 2014 11:33:24 AM
Jay & Silent Night.
Wednesday 17th of December 2014 10:56:48 PM
Which stocking belongs to me? (Many thanks to the good folks at RAW for the merriest Christmas gift ever!)
Wednesday 17th of December 2014 06:09:34 PM
That weird-ass walrus picture Tusk is now available to rent on all VOD platforms! Say #WalrusYes and swim in our strange waters...
Tuesday 16th of December 2014 05:25:13 PM
Christmas cookie time is Hell on a fat man trying to be less fat...
Monday 15th of December 2014 02:53:22 PM
COME GET ORAL IN ORANGE COUNTY TONIGHT OR I'LL EAT THIS DOG!
Let me give you lengthy oral as the crowd watches - TONIGHT AT 9 at the The Irvine IMPROV: <a href="http://t.co/Rz1zKGWiaJ" target="_blank">http://t.co/Rz1zKGWiaJ</a> It's like an AMA but IRL!
Saturday 13th of December 2014 04:18:20 PM
HAVE A SECOND? WANNA BE AS BATMAN IS?
There are less than 24 hours to vote for The Wayne Foundation in this year's Project for Awesome: <a href="http://www.projectforawesome.com/charity/the-wayne-foundation/p4a-2014---the-wayne-foundation" target="_blank">http://www.projectforawesome.com/charity/the-wayne-foundation/p4a-2014---the-wayne-foundation</a> Just one click from you today puts TWF closer to opening our Drop-In Center in Florida! #P4A
P4A 2014 - The Wayne Foundation :: Project For Awesome 2014
Saturday 13th of December 2014 12:44:26 PM
He played a director in a movie 13 years ago and now he's a director in real life! Congrats to @ChrisRock, whose TOP FIVE is in theaters today!
Friday 12th of December 2014 05:25:13 PM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!Today is my Mom's 69th Birthday! Make a dirty joke at her expense if you must, but hasn't she already been through enough just birthing my fat ass? Happy Birthday, Ma! You're my hero!
Thursday 11th of December 2014 02:47:44 PM
SEE ME PULL A STANLEY CUP FROM A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE PLACE!
All this month, watch EPIX HD presents ROAD TO THE NHL WINTER CLASSIC! But after each episode, we're penalizing you for 2 minutes inside my penalty box (which sounded so dirty, I'm a little turgid): <a href="http://epx.ms/1wgNsFw" target="_blank">http://epx.ms/1wgNsFw</a>
Kevin Smith's Penalty Box (Official Promo) | EPIX
Kevin Smith is breaking down each episode of EPIX Presents Road To The NHL Winter Classic with an exclusive weekly recap - only on EPIX. EPIX Presents Road t...
Thursday 11th of December 2014 12:23:07 PM
Me go crazy for these Bluntman & Chronic dolls! Complete with big ol' CockKnocker! Available in comic book stores or at JayAndSilentBobDotCom!
Tuesday 9th of December 2014 05:51:25 PM
Signs, signs, everywhere signs...
Tuesday 9th of December 2014 11:09:05 AM
WANNA BE IN CLERKS III?
Mitch Albom is auctioning off a non-speaking cameo walk-on (beside Jay and Silent Bob) for his #SAYDetroit Radiothon. Call in NOW! Only 2 hours left in the bidding! Bid started at $700.
Mitch Albom Charities | S.A.Y. Detroit
Join us for the Third Annual S.A.Y. Detroit Radiothon on December 4. S.A.Y. Detroit is committed to improving the lives of Detroit's neediest.
Thursday 4th of December 2014 07:25:55 PM