Damien Fahey Twitter
DamienFahey Followers: 51,304Location: LA
Bio: tv, radio host. comedy writer. improv & standup. staff writer for http://www.someecards.com. writes fake news at http://www.damienfahey.tumblr.com
Here's to America's fat kids who are putting a lot of thought into which white t-shirt to swim in on Memorial Day.
Posted at: Sat May 26 04:01:53
Please don't show me your new tattoo. I don't have the energy to pretend it's not terrible.
Posted at: Fri May 25 23:40:38
#FF funny and really nice guy @ChrisSerico the man behind the very funny @EveryTweet_Ever
Posted at: Fri May 25 22:06:31
If you've ever written an uppercase "L", you've drawn 1/4 of a swastika. Way to go, racist!
Posted at: Thu May 24 19:50:24
Meditating at the end of yoga is the perfect time to think of all the people you'll brag to about doing yoga.
Posted at: Thu May 24 17:10:56
The biggest honor I can bestow upon America this Memorial Day is not taking my shirt off. http://t.co/1g2MPFpI via @someecards
Posted at: Thu May 24 16:06:07
I just got 30 "likes" on a picture of a sandwich on Instagram and realized that we don't deserve a space shuttle program.
Posted at: Thu May 24 05:45:37
Get this! My uncle knows how to fix the economy and he's giving away the secret for FREE on his Facebook Wall!
Posted at: Thu May 24 01:07:08
It's bad enough that my child is missing, I don't need this Kinko's salesman judging me for not paying extra for color flyers.
Posted at: Wed May 23 23:05:38
Watch me say jokes and drink a cup of tea on The Morning After @TMAonHulu with @gingerthejester http://t.co/FoXohITj
Posted at: Wed May 23 14:52:17
The part of me that's supposed to care about what your kid did is broken.
Posted at: Tue May 22 23:54:28
There's nothing like listening to your fat ass criticize professional athletes for not hustling. http://t.co/VBK0PLuT via @someecards
Posted at: Tue May 22 16:26:44
I never say SPOILER ALERT because that takes all the fun out of seeing somebody completely disappointed.
Posted at: Tue May 22 01:21:46
If a white person eats a dessert and no one is around to Instagram it, did it even happen?
Posted at: Tue May 22 00:32:46
I still brag about how I slept through The Royal Wedding.
Posted at: Mon May 21 03:41:19
A million dollars isn't cool. Ya know what's cool? Getting half of 17.5 billion dollars if this marriage doesn't work out.
Posted at: Sun May 20 05:46:33
"Let's hang out non-stop until one of us finds a penis or vagina." - Friendship
Posted at: Sat May 19 19:51:53
"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - Script for Battleship
Posted at: Sat May 19 04:36:03
Every guy who made fun of you in high school is on every flight to Vegas.
Posted at: Fri May 18 18:56:10
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