5 Movies Guys Shouldn't Watch
It’s easy to pick out movies that don’t particularly sit well with many American men. Cue the Chick Flicks. Beaches. Steel Magnolias. Waiting to Exhale. Anything with Meg Ryan. But some movies just flat out scare the bejesus out of men. Here are five movies that do just that, and possibly more.
Fatal Attraction: The premise: Man (Michael Douglas), although happily married, begins an affair with Other Woman (Glenn Close). Other Woman falls desperately in love with Man. Man is then turned off and tries to end affair. Other Woman says, “Oh hells no!” and turns into Psycho Chick. Psycho Chick does psychotic things, as in boiling a pet rabbit, stalking Man, and kidnapping Man’s child. Man tries to kill Psycho Chick. Doesn’t work. So Psycho Chick tries to kill Man’s wife. That doesn’t work either, as the wife shoots and kills Psycho Chick. Hmm. Maybe men should watch this if they haven’t already.
Thelma & Louise: Nothing says Girl Power like going on a sudden road trip after you kill the man who tried to rape your best friend. And it doesn’t end there. Thelma (Geena Davis) and Louise (Susan Sarandon) continue their we’re-not-taking-anymore-crap-from-men excursion by locking a police officer in the trunk of his police cruiser after he tries to give them a speeding ticket. And they blow up the fuel tank of a driver’s truck because he made one too many obscene sexual gestures towards them. The women probably would have tried to kill more dudes if they would not have (spoiler alert!) driven off a cliff at the end. Unfortunately, that’s probably the only part of the film most guys who’ve seen it enjoy.
Misery: A lot of men already think that most women are crazy, and Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates) in this psychological thriller, adapted from a Stephen King novel, seals the deal with a lot of guys. And, clearly, psychotic women turn guys off. But a man should have nothing to fear by watching this movie – unless he’s a best-selling novelist who drives off the road in the middle of a blizzard and is “rescued” by his No. 1 female fan. That’s when the worrying, followed by praying, should begin.
Monster: Based on a true story, Charlize Theron portrays prostitute and lesbian Aileen Wuornos who goes on a killing spree, murdering seven of her male “clients”, and is later sentenced to death for her killings. Theron as a serial killer is bad enough. But add that to the fact that she doesn’t even look hot while doing it. Theron had to drastically change her appearance for her Oscar-winning performance to resemble Wuornos, who was, obviously, not in the running to win a Miss America pageant. That, in a nutshell, turned off many a straight man.
Teeth: Ever heard of vagina dentata? No? Let’s break it down: Vagina means...well, that’s explanatory, and dentata is Latin for toothed. Yeah. Actress Jess Weixler plays Dawn, a teenager who practices abstinence. When Dawn decides to meet her love interest Toby at a local pool to give him some loving, he tries to take advantage of her and then finds his manhood being bitten off by her va-jay-jay. That’s when Dawn realizes she might have, tah dah, vagina dentata. And, as you can imagine, all hell breaks loose after that. The good news is that her vaginal teeth don’t start chomping away unless she feels violated. That should make men feel a little better, right?